The Pain of Saying Goodbye
by DimitriAndRoza Belikov
Summary: Dimitri decided that the best thing for Rose is to leave her so she can successfully graduate and guard Lissa. Rose is having a hard time accepting the painful reality that Dimitri is gone and that the Academy wants to replace him. Is the 'New Guy' going to be accepted by Rose and the gang, or is he going to be nothing but trouble? This is my first fanfic,so please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE ACADEMY. THIS DISCLAIMER IS VALID THROUGHOUT MY ENTIRE STORY. **

A note? Really? A NOTE?! This is how he says goodbye to me?

Rose, After considering Tasha's offer, I have decided that it would be best for both of us if I took it. Please understand that I want nothing but the best for you and wish you every happiness. Maybe we can meet again someday, but right now, your future with Lissa is too much at stake and I do not wish to complicate things for you. I have asked to be reassigned, so my replacement should be there in a few days. Be safe.

-Dimitri

This had to be the fifth time I'd read it, trying to find any underlying meanings, searching for a way that this terrible note couldn't be true. And for the fifth time, I didn't find anything. How in the hell did he have the right to decide what was the right choice for me? Why did he get to make that decision by himself? DAMMIT! This was possibly the hugest slap in the face I'd ever gotten.

After Mason… After the attack in Spokane, Dimitri had said that he loved me and he could never take Tasha's offer. He wanted me. I wanted him too, and he knew it. I went into that cave after him, knowing full well that I might die. There was nothing in this world that I wouldn't have done for him, and now he's gone. He hadn't given anything regarding his intentions away. This note was a complete surprise.

I checked the clock. It was nine o'clock a.m. in the human world, which meant it was almost the middle of the night for St. Vlad's. Maybe I could just feign sickness for tomorrow and then just stay in my room for the weekend as well. All class would remind me of was Dimitri. The extra trainings in the morning and the afternoon with him would be gone. His missing presence in Stan's class as well as the few other classes he stood in would be too much for me to bear. No. I just couldn't do it.

I changed into my pajamas, throwing the note in the back of my desk drawer. I didn't need it. I knew what it said by heart. I crawled under the covers, willing the world away. I checked in on Lissa hoping for a distraction; she was with Christian. I pulled my mind away and shoved her feelings as far away as possible. I didn't need any reminders of how that felt.

Rolling over, I cocooned myself in my blankets. I found that if I closed my eyes for too long, I saw the note behind my eyelids. Then Dimitri's face would flash. All the times we had had practice or we were just talking, they were just there. Then, the night of the lust charm crept into the forefront of my thoughts. I opened my eyes in an instant.

I don't know who I was trying to fool. I wasn't sleeping at all tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE ACADEMY! I ONLY OWN THE CHARACTERS I CREATE.**_

At some point in the night, I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, there was a huge thundering boom coming from the other side of my door. It was Lissa.

"Rose. Please open up. You have already missed your morning classes. Please, let me in."

It seemed that I had only one of two options. Option one was that Lissa was coming through that door on her own. Option two was that I got up and let her in before I found myself short a door.

I chose the latter. I liked my door attached to my wall.

I crossed my room and opened the door. "Sorry Liss. I just wasn't feeling well when I woke up this morning and I went back to bed."

"You know that you had that test today in Stan's class, right? That one worth a fifth of your grade? I mean, come on Rose. You had been talking about how much this test meant to you for two weeks. Are you even listening?"

"Yes. I said I was sorry." While she was talking, I had shut the door and went back to bed, turning my back to her and pulling the covers up over my head. Honestly, there was no reason for me to get up this morning; there was only for me to get up and realize that there was no practice session.

"What's wrong?" She finally asked.

"I just feel sick to my stomach and a little bit dizzy when I stand up," I answered truthfully.

She sat on the bed and ripped my covers back. She looked me straight in the eye. "No. There is something you are not telling me. You have that look on your face Rose. We are best friends. You can tell me."

I could feel her genuine concern for me through the bond. It made me feel even more horrible that she was worried about me on top of me feeling sorry for myself. I tried to hold back a sob. It didn't work.

"Oh, Rose. Please, let me help you."

"Dimitri _left_," I sobbed. "He left me. And do you know how I found out? He left me a fucking _NOTE_!"

"Dimitri? Guardian Belikov? But what do you… Oh. Oh my God Rose. I am so sorry."

"I can't do it Lissa. I can't get up and realize every morning that there are no extra practices to go to. Or that he won't be there guarding in the back of the classroom. Or that he won't be there to help me get through a bad day by listening to me during an evening practice. Or that he won't be there for trials." I was still crying, so if she understood me at all, it would have been a miracle.

"Oh my God Rose. I am so sorry," she said again. "I had no idea. Some best friend I am. It seems so obvious now that I look back. The worst part is that you couldn't even tell anybody because he was your mentor. I am so sorry."

Oh God. I hoped she wouldn't put two and two together. I would never blame her for Dimitri leaving. That was his choice, not her fault. The last thing I wanted was for her to think this was her fault. If she did figure it out, I would have to convince her otherwise. He claimed to have left to protect me. How can I not blame him but blame him at the same time? Why was I acting like such a girl?

_Because you love him._

Nothing could have been more painfully true.


	3. Chapter 3

The weekend flew by, so my private grieving period was rushed. I couldn't let anyone know how torn up I was on the inside because they would start asking questions. Lissa was the only one who truly knew how terrible I felt. She told our little circle of friends only that there was something wrong and I would tell them when I felt like it, but until then, look out for me. Literally, I thought I was going to die when I heard this conversation three times through the bond before I thought to block her out. I didn't need to be reminded how bad I felt or why I felt so horrible.

As I was getting ready for Monday classes, I tried not to focus on the time. Right now, I would be making my way across the quad to my dorm to shower after practice. I avoided my desk drawer like the plague. I would just ask Lissa or maybe even Christian to borrow a pencil today. No way was I going into that drawer over a writing utensil.

I could feel Lissa outside my door, hesitating to knock. I glanced around again, making sure I hadn't forgotten anything and then headed out the door.

"Hey Liss," I said shutting the door.

"Hey. Are you ready?"

I almost ran back into my room. Willing myself to get it together I nodded. Yes. I had to be ready. No distractions. _Guardians and novices alike lived by that rule_, I told myself. _ Apparently very literally._

As I went through the morning, everyone asked me how I was and why I had been gone on Friday. Holy shit. If this wasn't torture, I would have said the Strigoi in Spokane were tolerable at worst and friendly at best. There were some very obtuse people at this school. They just didn't know when to shut the hell up. No matter how often I didn't answer, they would badger me until I wanted to take them to the training room and show them a few of my newer moves. Thankfully, this kind of extensive torment only lasted for a few minutes before each period. I had Lissa in fifth period, Christian in sixth and seventh, and Eddie in eighth. My first four periods were all guardian classes and I had all of those with Eddie as well.

I couldn't sit through lunch and listen to everyone talk at once about how much fun their weekends were. I didn't want to watch Christian and Lissa watch each other lovingly. I didn't want to watch Eddie worry about breaking me, and I didn't want Adrian to watch with heartbreaking concern. Jill wouldn't really have been a problem, but Lissa had warned her to keep an eye on me as well. The girl didn't even know my tells. That just meant increased security all around from her. I escaped to the library, reading about animal behavior again.

"…_ the winning male would have the breeding rights to the entire pride. His job would be to decide who the better genetic match for him was and breed with her first, making her alpha female."_

I slammed the book shut, earning a glare from the librarian. God. Was it ever going to get better?

After that, Lissa had to come and drag me out of my room again. I guess I had been right about Jill upping the security because she had been sitting in the library as well and then told Lissa when I headed off into the direction of the Dhampir dorms instead of fifth period.

Later that week, Lissa informed me that she wanted to go shopping in Missoula and I was going to come with her. She then continued on by insulting my wardrobe and insisting she buy me some clothes too. I didn't really have a choice in the matter, so I just followed along and nodded. She talked to Guardian Petrev and convinced her that it sounded like a reasonable idea instead of a chance to partake in unruly behavior off of school grounds. The date was set for a week from tomorrow, which was next Saturday.

I would have to remember to thank Lissa for this. It might do me some good to get my mind on something else. Besides, I had convinced Stan to let me take that test on the date for its retakes. That had been a herculean task in and of itself. I don't think I could quite handle to acknowledge Lissa's reasons for the mall trip, so I just smiled and nodded and said thank you miraculously without crying. I knew she understood, and that just made me want to cry more. Why was I so lucky to have all of these wonderful friends?

Now all I had to do was bide my time and count down the days until I could hang out with my just best friend.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N I know this one is kind of short. I just couldn't take it any further without it sounding funny:) Thank you guys SO MUCH for reading! I will post the next chapter soon to make up for the length of this one:)**

The next day, I couldn't find any reason to leave my room. It was a Saturday, and that meant I didn't have to be anywhere. Not anymore.

I checked in with Lissa. She was with Christian, Jill, Eddie, and Adrian.

"Can't you tell us anything? Why is Rose acting so strange?" asked Eddie. His concern was genuine.

"I'm sorry. It is not my place to say anything. When Rose is ready, she will tell you. She just can't take a lot of crap right now. Please, just respect that."

Thank you Lissa.

Adrian was who spoke next. "I have never seen her so quiet. She seems almost as if she is in a trance all the time. It is just so uncharacteristic of her." Adrian might have been the only one able to have guessed what was wrong with me. Somehow, he had figured out what was going on between me and Dimitri.

"Yeah," said Jill, "I haven't known her that long, but she feels off to me too. I just wish I knew what to do for her."

Yeah, I would definitely have to keep a closer watch on Jill. I wouldn't have a moment of peace with her around to watch me all the time.

A sharp knock on my door interrupted my thoughts. I went to answer it. It was a dorm matron.

"Miss Hathaway? Guardian Petrov would like to see you. Would you please come with me?" She was waiting for me to reply, and I would have felt bad if I just slammed the door on her. She was being too nice for me to want to do that. Dammit. So I shoved my feet in my boots headed out the door. Hopefully Alberta would just tell me that she had noticed a slip in my performance or something and that I needed to get it together and I could be on my way. Something told me that I wasn't going to get off that easily.

As we came to Alberta's office, the matron smiled and held the door open for me to go through.

I wanted to run when I saw the reason I was there.


	5. Chapter 5

I quickly schooled my expression. This was possibly the second worst thing that could happen to me right now. The first worst thing had already happened.

"Rose, please have a seat," said Alberta. The problem was that there was only one open chair to sit in, and it was next to a tall, muscular man who was obviously a guardian. He turned toward me and nodded, not curtly, but in a 'hello' kind of way.

I pulled out the already pulled out chair and scooted it over while simultaneously scooting it back in. Maybe they would both get the message.

Nope.

Addressing me, Alberta broke the silence. "I know Guardian Belikov had been your mentor since you returned to the academy, but since his departure, you have not had any extra training sessions. This is Guardian Whylde. He is to be Guardian Belikov's replacement."

Before the guy could introduce himself, I said, "With all due respect Guardian Petrov, I don't think I need any more extra training sessions. I believe that I am caught up now. I excel in my guardian classes and I have been improving with my academic grades. Please, I need to focus on my own now."

Guardian Petrov looked at me skeptically. It had hardly been a year since mine and Lissa's return. I could tell she thought I needed someone to keep me in line. Apparently this guy was up for the job. I knew I had just lost the argument when she sent me a last withering look and continued speaking.

"Rose, I must agree that you have improved greatly in your time back. Your efforts are not overlooked in the slightest. No. That is not at all what I was implying. I just think it would be good for you to see this mentoring commitment through."

"Guardian Petrov, I couldn't finish this mentoring commitment if I wanted to because the other half of this situation left. I cannot do this, and I refuse to do this. Being walked out on is so much more devastating when you are counting on the person to be there and invest as much time in you as you did for them. I will not go through with this. I have learned a very valuable lesson in all of this, however, if it makes you feel any better. I'm sorry to be a disappointment to you."

And with that, I stood and left, not sparing a glance toward Guardian Whylde and not waiting to be dismissed by Alberta. Maybe there would be consequences for my behavior, but I didn't care. Sitting there having to talk about Dimitri was tearing me up all over again.

I didn't want some stranger to fill in that gap in my mornings and evenings. He didn't need to know me, and I sure as hell didn't need to know him. Why the hell couldn't Alberta just let it be? I don't think I could have made myself any clearer without telling them about me and Dimitri.

There went about thirty minutes of my Saturday. Honestly. My life was horrible enough right now; I didn't need to get all cozy with a stranger.


	6. Chapter 6

Lissa managed to drag me out of my dorm the next day to go to church. I thought this would be an ok idea until I walked inside. Dimitri told me once that he sat here because it gave him peace. It was almost too much to bear as I passed the spot we sat talking.

No. I couldn't do this. Oh my God, I needed to get out of here. A heaviness settled on my chest as if a thousand pounds suddenly came crashing down on me. I would sit close to the aisle and leave as soon as I could. I felt bad for leaving after I told Lissa I would come, but she would have to understand.

The priest began his sermon and we all stood to say a prayer together. As he told us to shut our eyes, I kept mine open, waiting for everyone to bow their heads. There. Even the priest had his eyes closed.

I quietly slipped down the aisle and through the door. Relief flooded me and I took a deep breath as I started walking away from the church. I felt restless and I needed to do something.

For some reason, I ended up in the gym. It was empty, save for a bit of equipment in the corner. I decided to go change and jog a few laps. As I started running, I recalled the first time Dimitri ran with me. He was there, investing his time in me, making me do my best. I hadn't wanted to disappoint him.

After about twenty minutes of running, I decided to work out. I found a very battered punching bag and heaved it over to hang it up. I realized that even if I hauled the bag all the way from the corner, I would never be able to reach its hook. Damn short people problems. Oh well. I was going to try anyway. Grabbing the chair from the corner, I climbed onto the seat and hoisted the bag from the ground.

It was almost in the hook when I felt the chair slide out from under me and then I was falling. A pair of strong arms caught me before I could hit the ground. For a second, I dared to hope.

As I looked up from my rescuer's arms, I saw that it was Guardian Whylde. My throat closed up and I almost started crying. Damn that fleeting hope I had felt just a moment ago. I was not going to cry in front of this guy. He was supposed to be Dimitri's replacement. Just… no. Seeing my face as I looked up at him, concern clouded his eyes. He must have seen the hurt there before I could smooth it out.

"Are you all right?" I noticed that he had yet to set me down, so I started squirming around. He nearly dropped me before he set me on my feet.

"Yes. Thank you." I said, not meeting his eyes.

"What are you doing out here on a Sunday?" Oh my God. Really? He was going to quiz me down with his guardian tone of voice? He was trying to sound superior and in charge. Fine. I could play this game too.

Not answering him, I grabbed the chair and climbed back on it, successfully hanging up the punching bag this time. I pushed the chair over and started in on it.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked again.

"Why? Are you writing a book? I've got news for you. You're wasting your time. It is extremely hard to be a successful author, and I am not the most exciting subject to be writing about."

He was not amused with me at all, though I was quite proud of myself.

"Miss Hathaway, you skipped out of church and went off to a secluded area. That is suspicious behavior for a student on a day off."

This guy needed to lighten up. "So you were watching me, huh? That's not weird or anything, comra-"

I couldn't say anything else. He was not comrade. He was not my mentor. He was not a confidante. He was just another guardian, except it was way worse for me personally because of the reason he was here in the first place. I suddenly felt very small.

With him not having had the chance to say anything else to me, I turned and started running despite my twenty minute run earlier. I did not need to confine myself to the gym, I realized. I needed space.

"Rose, wait! Come back here!"

I kept running.


	7. Author's Note Please Read:)

**A/N: I know this really should be a chapter, and I am sorry about that. I will post as soon as I can, but with moving and school and work, I seem to pass out as soon as I walk through the door:). Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone reading my story! Seeing all of the views just drives me to want to write even more, so really, thank you! **

**I am having a bit of trouble with where I am at in my story (writer's block is not fun). I am a few chapters ahead of what I have posted right now, but I would really love to hear any suggestions that anyone has:) My only thing is that I don't really want to make Rose pregnant. I might if I can think of a good enough reason, but as of right now, I just don't see it in the future. **

**Please, Please, Please! ANY AND ALL SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOMED! Thank you so much for reading and encouraging me to continue this story! **

**-Love,**

** DimitriAndRoza Belikov**


	8. Chapter 8

I found Lissa on my way back to the dorm. "Sorry." I said. I just needed for her to understand.

"It's ok Rose. I'm glad I got you out of your room today," she told me wholeheartedly. She was genuinely concerned about me. I felt bad now.

Well, I would just have to make it up to her. "I was thinking-"

"A dangerous thing for you."

"- maybe we could have a girl's night. Just you and me and a movie streaming over the internet. Also, there will be chips. The sour cream kind." I said with a smile. It felt foreign on my face. Lissa was suspicious of me. She was expecting me to tell her that I needed to spend the rest of the day in my room. Alone. Or that I wished she had never asked me to come today. A girl's night was the last thing she was expecting.

"That sounds like fun Rose! Sure! Let's plan it for tonight. I know it is a school night, but oh well," she said with a smile. "Great," I said, trying to sound as enthusiastic as she did. "I am going to take a shower. I'll see you later!"

I was walking around the corner to my dorm when I ran smack in to someone.

It was Adrian.

"Whoa little dhampir, careful," he said, steadying me. "Sorry, I didn't see you."

"It's fine."

After an awkward pause, he broke the silence, "Where did you go Rose?"

I knew he was not just talking about this morning. He was talking about the whole past week. How much had he figured out already? He was the only one who had his suspicions about me and Dimitri, but I don't know if he ever pieced everything together.

"Adrian, have you ever had something that was really great? Something that you would die to protect? Something that you could not live without?" I was staring him straight in the eyes. He needed to understand. "I lost that thing. I didn't know how to deal with it. I still don't. That's where I've been Adrian. I don't know how long I'll be there, but that's where I've been and that's where I am." I felt the pain creep onto my face, contorting it into the mask that only my dark room has seen.

Adrian pulled me toward him, locking me against him in an embrace. "It's going to be ok Rose. I do not know what you are going through exactly, but I know that it will get better. I am here, and so are Lissa and Eddie. We are right here."

A sob escaped me. I needed to pull it together. Jeez. Here I was, in the middle of the quad, crying. I hastily wiped my eyes and hugged Adrian harder.

"Thank you Adrian."

As we pulled apart, he said, "I'm sorry about Belikov."

I half expected he had known for a while, but I had to ask anyway. "When did you figure it out?"

"When he came to my room at the ski lodge after you and Lissa."

"Oh. That was kind of obvious, wasn't it?"

Another pause.

"Thank you Adrian."

"Anytime Rose."

**A/N: Ok, so, this is the last chapter I got to and edited before my brain went a bit haywire in trying to sleep, work, pack, move, and go to school:) There were a couple of really good suggestions that I saw in the comments, so I might try and fit them into my story. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENTS! Also, tomorrow is the first day I have had off in about two weeks, so I will be writing and hopefully posting by this weekend! YAY! I am still open to suggestions, so please leave a review:D Thank you guys SO much for reading. You have no idea how much it motivates me to see that people want to read what I am writing. Have a fantabulous day!**

**Love,**

** -DimitriAndRoza Belikov**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hi everyone! I am sorry that it took me so long to update. It's been crazy. **

**Anyway, I wanted to address a comment that I had to remove yesterday because of the assumptions and negativity it implied about my story. If any of you saw that post, I am sorry. That person was not a beta or confidante of mine, and their accusations of what was -or more accurately, was not- happening in this story were of completely a fabrication of what they thought was going to happen. I do not want to say what they said because the way you guys interpret my story is completely up to you and I did not want there to be any influence where it was not wanted. **

**I sincerely hope everyone is enjoying reading The Pain Of Saying Goodbye:) **

**And now, without further ado, Chapter 9!**

I had no idea how I was going to deal with Dimitri's replacement. In the gym, he seemed a bit unsure of how to address me. I guess I couldn't blame him. I _did _make the situation in Alberta's office awkward as hell.

That small admission to myself didn't make anything easier though.

It had been three days since the encounter in the gym. Since my friends were still not letting me out of their sight, I decided to use this to my advantage and make sure someone was around every time Guardian Whylde and I crossed paths. I haven't told anyone about the reason he was here or that there was a connection- though it was microscopic- between us. Lissa is the one who knows the reason he is here because he is her new guardian.

So far, this week has gone by with minimal activity. I haven't been back to the gym since Sunday by myself, so I took to running in the mornings to keep myself occupied. Of course, there were guardians acting as security detail out and about in the mornings, so when I saw that Whylde was patrolling somewhere, I either took a detour or decided that enough was enough and headed back toward the showers. I honestly had never put as much effort in avoiding somebody as I did with him. I think I was also just using him as a distraction from Dimitri. I had something new to focus on instead of thinking what time I should have been going down to practice or where in the school I would have seen him.

On Thursday morning, I decided that I could take a day off from my morning run to sleep a bit longer. There was a particularly nasty test that I had to study for last night, and I didn't get to bed until about two in the morning, vampire time. I decided that I deserved a little bit of R&amp;R, even if that only meant sleeping for another hour or so.

As I got ready for the morning, I couldn't shake off the feelings that the dream I was having had left behind. Lissa was dreaming about Christian. Honestly, do I have to go any further? Those gooey feelings were not pleasant to wake up to. Remembering how that felt was like reading Dimitri's note all over again and then having the realization dawn on me that he was not coming back. I was really starting to regret sleeping in now.

As I glanced at the clock, I noted that I was about twenty minutes early. I would just have to swing by the cafeteria and grab a few doughnuts before heading to class. This was the first time that I hadn't been escorted anywhere in a long time.

As I rounded the corner, I instantly regretted it.

"Hello, Rose," said Guardian Whylde.

"Hello, um, well, I don't actually know your first name, so, I guess, just hi," I bumbled like an idiot.

Again, here I was, making things really awkward for everyone. Where was that Rose bravado when I needed it? Time to dig deep and let it rip.

"You are not supposed to address me by my first name, Rose."

"Oops, well I guess you will have to give me and everyone else here detention. Seriously, lighten up." I started to brush past him when he was suddenly there, blocking my path. We had managed to get within two feet of each other, making me nostalgic and very pissed off.

"Haven't you ever taken a hint? This one's called 'leave me alone because I want nothing to do with you.' I thought I made myself perfectly clear in Alberta's office. I no longer need to be babysat by anyone. I don't want extra training sessions, and I am not interested in anything more you or anyone else has to say about it. I think that it isn't possible to get any freaking clearer than that."

"Rose, I do not think you are being very truthful with yourself. You are the kind of student that would take any opportunity to better yourself and your skills. I have seen your record. You have a remarkable history with Strigoi for someone your age. You seem to have learned at least a little bit of discipline since you and the princess returned to the academy. Who was your mentor again?"

I couldn't tell if he was toying with me or if he was genuinely worried about me. I had to keep reminding myself that he wasn't Dimitri. Dimitri would have been genuinely concerned. I wasn't sure how to read this guy, so I couldn't be sure of his intentions.

"Anyway," he continued after I didn't answer him, "I am only concerned about you. Someone with a record as remarkable as yours shouldn't throw it away for no good reason."

I got the impression that he wanted to have the training sessions with me that I had given up as soon as Dimitri left. I got the impression that he wanted to get to _know _me. This was starting to make me feel a bit weirded out.

"Well, thank you for your concern, but I had no intention of giving up on my future. I just realized that after my mentor left, I no longer needed to be babysat, as I said before. If people want to worry about me, then that is their problem. I just don't have the time or will to make everyone happy. Good bye Guardian Whylde."

That was my polite way to say F you and stay out of my business.


	10. Chapter 10

**A bit of bad language is in this one. Maybe three or four words in total? Anyway, just a heads-up. **

Thanks to Guardian Asshole, I didn't have time to stop and get any doughnuts before class. Thankfully, Eddie had some foresight to pick me up a couple.

Later that day, I decided that it was time for me and Lissa to have a talk about her new guardian.

"I don't know Liss. He just seems a bit too friendly for someone who is supposed to be a guardian of the princess and what they think is a suitable suitable replacement for," deep breath, "my mentor." I still couldn't say his name out loud to anyone, but I was doing better at acknowledging his existence.

"And niceness is a bad thing? Maybe he really does just want to help. People are capable of that kind of stuff, you know," Lissa said, not missing a beat. She has been really great at letting me go at my own pace, never pushing or saying anything about normalcy and my lack of it. Not like our other friends, with the exception of Adrian. I didn't tell her about mine and Adrian's talk the other day, but I had a feeling that she already knew.

"I just get the feeling that he wants something on a personal level. Not in a relationship kind of way, but an acquaintance kind of way. It's like he wants to know me."

"It sounds like he is a normal person who wants to have some formalities before starting a new chapter. Being in a mentor/novice relationship takes a lot of time and patience. Maybe he just wants to know you before you start training with him."

Faint scalding pain ripped around in my heart for a second, but I chose not to address what Lissa's words said to me. Having everyone tiptoe around me because they didn't want to say the wrong thing was not how I wanted my life to be. "And just what makes you think I would start training with him?"

"I overheard Alberta talking to Alex about you, and-

"Who?"

"Alex. His full name is Alexander Whylde. Didn't you know that?"

"No. In case you haven't noticed, I have tried to have as little to do with him as possible. Anyway, why was Alberta talking to _him_ about _me_?"

"Well, it seems she is worried about you. You may have to start seeing a counselor again because they have 'noticed a shift in your behavior after Belikov left.' They don't see you as somebody who has lost someone, they see you as someone who is displaying uncharacteristic behavior because her mentor walked out on her, leaving her with no structure or advancement in her classes. Rose, you have gone above and beyond what any of the novices here are doing. They want to keep you that way so you don't lose your drive to achieve even more. Just because you could crush your trials right now doesn't mean they are done with you, and they are willing to do anything to keep you going like you were before."

This all came as a bit of a shock to me. I knew that I was above average when it came to my real-world experience and skillset, but I had no idea they were treating me like an experiment. I refused to think that Dimitri had known about this, because he would have told me. Right?

"I don't think that they are treating you like an experiment, they just didn't realize the terms of your focus relied solely on a reciprocal mentor. They understand that now, but they don't understand the lengths that that term goes to." It was like she could read my mind.

"Well," I said finally, "I think that I really hated Deidre's office the first time and I really don't want to go back. If there really are no more options, then I guess I can just do a trial run with him and see how it goes."

Those words burned coming out of my mouth, but they needed to be said. I needed to have a new focus. Maybe trying to actually learn something new would not be such a bad thing.

But, then again, I was secretly hoping that if my skillset was so far advanced, I could just knock Alexander on his ass and be done with the whole thing.

**A/N Sorry about the wait on this one. I literally wrote this one in thirty minutes and then posted it. Sorry about any grammar/spelling mistakes as well. Thank you for all of your reviews and thank you to everyone reading! Let me know how you felt about this scene. I wasn't sure about writing Lissa here, but Rose needed to have this conversation with her. It kind of sets up a vague event for later. I am making this up as I go, with no outline, so that is kind of why I had a hard time with this one. Anyway, please tell me what you thought of this little exchange. Thank you all for reading!**


	11. Chapter 11

The next day, I decided to pay a visit to Alberta's office. Maybe they would see me pushing myself into this as more of a 'normal' thing than refusing extra sessions because I don't need them.

"So, Rose, you have changed your mind about the extra sessions?"

"Yes," I said, lying through my teeth. "I decided that if I can better my techniques, then I would have a better chance in protecting Lissa. Besides, I have been a bit bored with my guardian classes lately. It will be interesting to see what Alex can show me."

"We have titles for a reason Miss Hathaway." She didn't sound very upset about my calling Alex by his first name, though. She was just thrilled that I wanted to continue my training. She did, however, pick up on me dissing the school's lack of challenging guardian classes, because she said, "Guardian Whylde is one of the best Guardians that this school has ever seen. He is experienced in training one-on-one and he has extensive field experience. There could be no better candidate to fill this position."

Did she even know how much I wanted to punch her in the face right now? Yeah, no, probably not.

"Well, that will all become apparent in good time, Guardian Petrov. Thank you for seeing me on such short notice today. When do I start practice?" That was the best I could do without igniting a nuclear explosion.

"You will start tomorrow morning an hour and a half before school. You will have two practices; one will be in the morning and the other is in the evening after school, just like your previous training sessions."

I stood and faced her. "Nobody has the ability to replicate those sessions . There is absolutely nothing that could even come _close_ to comparing with them. These sessions with Guardian Whylde are a new chapter for me, not a continuation of one. Do not make the mistake of thinking that I will pick up where I left off."

She was speechless. Finally.

I turned and left, wondering yet again if there would be repercussions for behaving the way I did in Alberta's office. I probably shouldn't have said some of those things, but I couldn't let her talk about Dimitri that way. If his training sessions were as bad as she suggested they were, I would have been dead by now. Maybe I was just overreacting.

Pushing those thoughts aside for now, I checked my watch and saw that –if I ran- I could make it to first period.

**A/N I know this is kind of short, but I needed to write out this little snippet between Alberta and Rose. I really enjoyed writing this! thank you guys for reading and please review:):)!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N Hey! Please tell me what you think of this chapter and also what you think Alex looks like. I just remembered that I never put a character description in for him. Also, Please tell me what you think is going to happen with him. I am at a fork in the road with him, so suggestions and comments would be appreciated! Thank you for reading!:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D**

**-Love DimitriAndRoza Belikov**

I was watching for Alex all through the morning, waiting to see if I could tell when Alberta told him the news. The tricky part was making sure he didn't catch me watching.

I was dreading facing him after I had so adamantly refused the extra practices. I hadn't given much thought to how I would be able to cope with being in the gym again with another 'mentor.' However, I would do just about anything to keep the Academy from looking over my shoulder constantly, wondering if I was ok and how to make my training more in-depth. Maybe this would sate them long enough for me to attempt even a charade of normalcy.

Unfortunately, since the shopping trip with Lissa meant leaving school grounds, Alex, being her guardian, was coming too. Maybe this would turn into a guarding exercise like it did when we went to Missoula.

That meant I would be her other guardian and have to work with him. Damn.

Well, we can't have everything now, can we? I decided that these were things to worry about later, seeing as how I had no control over them.

*****The Next Day*****

Waking up to the sound of my alarm at the butt crack of dawn was SO not on my agenda this morning. Remembering why I had to get up this early was almost enough to make me regress, but I had to push through it. If Dimitri came back right now, I would probably kill him for leaving, bring him back, and kill him again for being the reason I had to get up so early and go to practice with someone I didn't even trust, let alone know. Let's all hope he doesn't.

Deciding to stick to the plan, I dressed in my workout capris, my hoodie, and put my hair up into its ponytail. Maybe I should cut my hair. There was no reason for it to be long anymore.

As I made my way across the campus, I had to force myself to keep walking. I really didn't want to do this.

I had to pause at the door of the gym. Taking a deep breath, I had to steel myself for what wasn't inside.

I finally felt my resolve reach its peak and pushed open the door.

Alex was already there, and he had the radio going. Gritting my teeth, I walked inside. He was just finishing up getting the gear out we would be using this morning. It looked like we were going to be sparring.

"Hello, Rose," he said. "So you changed your mind about practicing?"

"You could say that."

He gave me a puzzled look. No way was I explaining myself. I couldn't wait to get those gloves on so I could knock him out and be done with this.

"Well, whatever made you change your mind, I am glad that you did. Do you have any idea how many people talk about you? A novice that took down two Strigoi? That is unheard of. I am glad that you decided to work on perfecting your skills and that I am the one who can help you." By this point, we had both put on our gloves and taken our stances on opposite sides of the circle. I was past the point of knocking him out, I wanted to kill him. How dare he talk about things like that to me? He started the session by feinting to the right.

"So I am a conquest to you," I said casually, dodging. Like almost any other guy, he knew that he had said the wrong thing.

"No, that is not at all what I meant. I just meant-

"Yeah, I know what you meant. Do not ever speak to me that way again. Have you ever lost someone? Did you see them die right in front of you because a Strigoi snapped his neck? Well, have you?"

"No."

"No, you haven't. I may be some sort of an experiment to the school, but the feelings I have are real. I am not something to be studied and improved or someone to be chased after. Mason was a good friend to me. I miss him every day." I was really angry now. He opened his left side to me and I took it. I nailed him right under the ribs above his kidney. He staggered out of the circle. I straightened up and we looked at each other.

"I am sorry."

"I don't care. What else did you have planned for the much-talked about Rose Hathaway? Are we done?"

"No," he said, a bit dazed. "We are going to spar and then run."

Not answering, I hunkered back down into my defensive stance. I found that his style was very different from Dimitri's, but his was lacking in the foresight department. He would see what I was going to do only a second before I did it. Once I got a feel for his moves, I began to predict what he was going to do in sequences. He was particularly fond of the block-feint-feint-roundhouse-back one. He only used it three times, but in a span of thirty minutes, that was a lot of uses. We went for five rounds, not counting the very first one, and I won four of them. He was a lot more cautious of me after that first one though. If training with me was a personal thing for him, then he had to know I wouldn't make it a walk in the park. If I had a choice, I would have just walked out by now, but If Dimitri leaving had taught me anything, it was the perfection of impulse control.

After sparring, we out up the equipment and headed outside to run. Much to my dismay, he had planned on running with me. As I ran, I pushed. I did everything I could so that he would fall behind, but that never happened. He was staying with me easily. The remaining ten minutes of practice, we walked a half of the last lap to cool down and did cool down stretches. As we wrapped up, he turned to me.

"I really am sorry. I didn't mean to sound so inconsiderate. I do think that if you keep training that you will get even better. I guess I was just thinking of you in terms of the stories I have heard."

"Well that seems to be a common mistake everyone keeps making." I said, sounding annoyed. I fixed him with a cold look. "I know now that you were expecting me to be a little girl who miraculously killed two Strigoi before she graduated, living only by sheer chance. While there is a little truth to that, the bigger factor was that my previous mentor was _extremely good_ at what he did. He gave me the skills to survive and I used them. Whether you understand that or not is not my problem, but I will NOT tolerate you talking to me about things you do not care enough to ask me about first. Unfortunately, I have agreed to do these practices again for some reason unbeknownst to you, so I will be here tonight, whether you will be or not."

God, I needed to stop talking so much. I guess I picked up some vocabulary in Dimitri's absence, because I sounded like I was actually passing English with something higher that a C.

Anyway, I stared him down, waiting for an acknowledgement of some kind before I left this time.

"Rose, I am sorry. I really am. However, if these practices are going to work, there needs to be some form of respect established. I started out on the wrong foot with you. Why don't we start out by acting professional when speaking to each other. I won't ask you about anything you don't want me to and you won't continue to insult me and I won't tell Guardian Petrov about your conduct today."

I wished we were still sparring.

"Maybe, instead of threatening to report me, you should think about everything you said to me today. I am a conquest to you. If I told Alberta what you said, she would flip shit. How about we call a truce and start over tonight at practice. I will try to reign in my personality, because it is obviously too much for you, and you don't talk to me about things you don't understand. I will see you tonight Guardian Whylde."


	13. Chapter 13

Apparently Alex decided to keep his mouth shut about what happened in the gym. We met like nothing had happened earlier and barely spoke a word to each other all evening… that is, unless you count him yelling at me to run harder as talking.

It was Friday night, thank God. That meant no practices this weekend. That also meant that the shopping trip with Lissa was in about nine hours. Yes, I was counting. Alex confirmed my suspicions about co-guarding together at practice tonight. He broke the news to me _after_ sparring though, so I couldn't throttle him without getting into trouble. There would only be me and Alex and two other guardians this time, all from the academy and all cleared of background checks and mental stability. There would not be a repeat of the last time.

As I turned from my dresser after changing into my pajamas, I saw the drawer in my desk that held Dimitri's note. It had only been two weeks and it felt like three lifetimes had already passed. Maybe Lissa was right and this outing tomorrow would be a good thing for me. I immediately shut down that train of thought. If I went there tonight, there would be no returning.

Lying in bed waiting for sleep, I tried very hard not to think of the last time I co-guarded with Dimitri. He wasn't replaceable. I literally could not even stress that enough to Alberta without her figuring things out. If he was never coming back, I couldn't tell anyone anyway because it might impact his future, whatever it may be. I wouldn't want him to have a label because of me.

And then there was Alex. He seemed think I was some sort of milestone for him to tuck under his belt. I briefly thought of being nicer to him. After all, it wasn't his fault that he was here now… I didn't think. Maybe I could consider it. It would be hell on me too if I had to be with someone I openly despised. And, as much as I hated to admit it, he had a point. I had learned how much mutual respect contributed to a relationship, no matter if it was an acquaintance or if it was with someone you really loved.

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I know, I was sitting on the beach with Adrian sitting three feet away from me.

"Hi Adrian." I must not have sounded genuine, but he didn't say anything. I was working on it, at least. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Hi Rose, it's good to see you too," he said with a smile. "I was just wondering how you were doing. You seem like you are holding up, but I know you, and that is just a show. Tell me, how are you doing?"

"Horribly. Well, actually, only a little bit less than horribly. It is hard to tell the difference."

"The only thing that matters is that _you_ can tell the difference." He paused thoughtfully. "What's this about a new mentor that you agreed to train with?"

"Well, for starters, it appears that the academy has been tracking my progress in much more depth than I thought. Since D… um… they thought it would be a good idea to continue my training, even though I could lay just about any one of them out. So, I chose not to be under the intense watch of the school and my old shrink. I thought if I picked my extra sessions back up, they would give me some space. I am still waiting to see if this theory is true." I said that last part mostly to myself.

"I know all about shrinks. They can be helpful, but the amount of annoyance they can inflict upon someone if enough to make you go insane." He glanced at me at that last part and we burst out laughing.

This small reprieve was nice. This was the lightest I had felt for the last two weeks. It felt good to smile again. I began thinking of the days when Adrian wanted to have a relationship with me. He had been a gentleman about it when I told him that I couldn't. Since then, he has been like a brother to me. I couldn't have been happier about how things turned out between us.

"I hear you and Lissa are going to Missoula tomorrow," he says after a while.

"Yeah. I am looking forward to spending some time with her. Unfortunately, Alex will be there too."

"Well, he is her guardian. Anyway, I hope you have a good time. Try not to kill him. And, Rose? Have fun."

With those last words, the beach dissolved into a mist, leaving me to my own dreams.

**A/N I hope you guys are still reading! I wrote this chapter mostly as an impromptu thing. People seemed to like it when I wrote Adrian and Rose together the last time. I have no intentions of them getting together, but I didn't want them to be completely separated from each other (Spoilers Ahead) like in the end of Last Sacrifice. I felt like it would be good for them to at least be friends. So anyways, PLEASE REVIEW. It really motivates me to keep writing****. Thank you guys so much!**

**-Love DimitriAndRoza Belikov.**

**PS. I am really excited about the next chapter and I plan on posting it later today:):):):):)!**


	14. Chapter 14

Waking up in the daytime is a strange thing to do for someone on a night schedule. As I was getting ready to go to the mall, I debated on what to wear. It would have to be sturdy enough to fight in, but dressy enough to look like I was just hanging out with my friend. I decided on my jeans with a semi-dressy black t-shirt that had a modest V-neck and my Pumas that Liss had gotten me last year for Christmas. After I pulled my hair up into a ponytail, I grabbed my jacket and headed out the door.

I arrived at Lissa's room a few minutes early, so I waited on her bed for her to finish getting ready. We walked together to the two SUVs that were going to take us to Missoula. As we got closer, Lissa went ahead and climbed into the back seat while Alex pulled me aside.

"Here. Be sure to put this somewhere easily accessible and out of sight." He handed me a stake. Wow. That was pretty shocking to me, especially after our blow out at the beginning of our practices. Having a silver stake was no longer a thing of awe to me, however. After the attack on the school, the gravity of experience with them and what we use them for had really sunken in; I no longer felt the excitement of getting to carry a silver stake. I was grateful they let me carry one today though. It made me feel safer knowing I could protect myself and Lissa if the need arose.

"Thank you," I said to him, sounding genuine for the first time in two weeks.

He gave me a wondering look. I also believe that was the nicest I had been to him since I met him.

After tucking the stake away, I climbed in the back seat next to Lissa. "So you're armed now? Was that wise of them?"

"Laugh all you want. At least I will have it if I need to use it," I said semi-jokingly. "So, what are you planning on buying today?"

Towards the end of the ride, Alex turned around to me and we started discussing a guarding strategy. It sounded basically like the plan I had had with Dimitri before.

No. No distractions today. This was my day with Lissa. This was my day to guard her. This was my day to prove that I could be a professional guardian. Adrian had suggested I have fun today. No. This day would go off without a hitch.

We piled out of the SUVs, I took my place next to Lissa and off we went; Alex, Xavier, and Gabriel followed a ways behind, looking like some buddies ready to hang out at the mall. We hit Famous Footwear, Banana Republic, True Religion, and JC Penny's before lunch. We had about twelve bags in total, so we handed them off to Gabriel to take back to the car.

"What are you eating for lunch Rose?"

"I think I am going to have Panda. Aren't you going to eat anything?"

"I might get a slice of pizza or something, but Dr. Olendski gave me a few thermoses of blood before we left. This sunlight thing is tiring." She said all of this with a smile, but I could tell it was bothering her a little bit. I was a horrible guardian.

"Lissa! Why didn't you say something before? We would have sat down for a little bit, I know you are doing this for me, and I really am enjoying myself, but you are not allowed to self-sacrifice so that I have a good time."

"Okay, okay. I get it. Fine. We will sit down for lunch and take our time, but then back to shopping! There are a few stores I want to take you to still."

I sighed. "Alright. Let's sit down so you can drink something first and then would you mind standing in line with me? I can't leave you by yourself with no guardian."

"Of course." We sat down at a table closer to the restaurants than the openness of the food court, and Lissa took out her thermos and took a huge swig. After about five minutes of talking about the stuff we bought and when we would wear it, Lissa and I went up to stand in line at Panda.

I hated their Orange Chicken, but I loved their Chow Mein and their Broccoli and Beef, so that's what I got for lunch. After I paid, we went and sat back down. The table we chose to sit at was pushed up to another two on each side, so Alex and the other two guardians sat with us. It made no difference whether people were paying attention or not. This way, there were two guardians –me being counted as a guardian- sitting on either side of Lissa. Xavier went to get lunch for the other two and a slice of pizza for Lissa, who decided she wanted to eat something after all. As soon as he was back, we all started eating.

I was half way through my lunch when it hit me. I froze.

**A/N I know I am mean, but, I felt like I needed to end it here. Plus, I am now job hunting, so a lot of my focus is gone when it comes time for me to write. I am really excited about this chapter and the next chapter, which I will post as soon as I have it written and edited. I have a few things to work out with the broad formatting of this story, but other than that, it is almost all impromptu. As you can imagine, that has its drawbacks when attempting to write five chapters out fluently. So anyways, I won't bore you any more with technicalities****J****. I hope you aren't too angry with me for leaving things like this****J****. Please tell me what you think and I will have the next chapter up as soon as I can. Have a fantabulous day!**

**-Love DimitriAndRoza Belikov**

**PS. What do you think happened to Rose?**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N I am very excited for this chapter! I had a hard time deciding some of the events that needed to happen after this chapter, so that's why I left the cliffhanger in the last one. I am still deciding on some stuff, but I can post this now almost confident that things are going to go according to plan****J****. I also wanted to give a shout out to Dream Craziness for being inspiring through both her stories and her comments! Thank you! Please keep reading ad commenting!**

**And now, I give you chapter 15.**

This was not happening. The pair of eyes that met mine was only about three tables over. They were chocolate brown with a few loose strands of hair framing them; the rest of the hair was back in a ponytail. The woman those eyes sat across from had a mane of black hair and a voice that was strong but feminine, and it was becoming more grating as the seconds wore on.

Tasha seemed to notice that Dimitri was no longer giving her his full attention and turned to see what he was looking at. She got up to head over as soon as she spotted me and Lissa, wearing what looked to be a genuine smile the whole time. Lissa turned to see what I was staring at and almost choked on her pizza. I immediately put down my fork, not hungry anymore. I was now praying that I wouldn't throw up.

Of course she had to bring Dimitri over here too. Oh, wait. I forgot that he had to come with her as her guardian. I couldn't look him in the eye or even the face or even at his body. Lissa was very concerned as to what would happen to me, and that humming worry verging on panic flying through the bond was not helping in the slightest. I ended up having to block the bond, but I left just enough open to feel that she was still there.

I thought of telling Alex and the others that these people meant no harm, but I half hoped they would see them as a threat and take them down. I really would not have been sorry about it, so I didn't say anything. The guardians did notice, however, that there was a Moroi approaching us followed by an incredibly tall Dhampir. Xavier and Gabriel knew Dimitri, but Alex did not, and he was not about to let his guard down.

"Hi Lissa! Rose! What are you guys up to? How is Christian? Is he still treating you right?" She fired all of these off in such a quick succession that Lissa didn't have a chance to answer; all she managed to get out was a 'Hi, Tasha' before the conversation shifted. I hadn't seen her since we left court, but she was overdoing it just a little bit. It could have something to do with the fact that Dimitri was standing next to her and not me.

Alex surprised me by not asking Tasha who she was. This could mean only one of two things: either he was slacking on his guardian duties or he had met her before.

Sizing up Dimitri, Alex stuck his hand out to introduce himself.

"Alex," he said, introducing himself.

"Dimitri," Dimitri said. Pain roared through my heart. He was so close after being so far for so long. Lissa's eyes were on me. I must have been doing a good job of hiding my turmoil if Lissa was the only one to catch on.

"So, you must be Dimitri's replacement," said Tasha.

"I am?"

If he had met her before, names and faces apparently didn't stick with him.

"Well, seeing as you are the only new face here with the princess, you must be. He left so he could be my guardian since I had none. You must be very good to be able to fill his place at the academy and to be a suitable guardian for Lissa."

"Guardian Whylde, please excuse me for a moment," I said. I had no idea where I was going, but I needed to walk around for a minute. I felt like I was sitting in a cage with Dimitri so close.

I stood and brushed past Tasha, and then consequently past Dimitri. I flinched enough for him and Lissa to notice. Alex had noticed as well, because he was watching me when I had finally gotten past them. "Lissa, would you please come with me? Since you are still my charge, I can't let you out of my sight."

"Sure," she said. Mercifully, she just complied instead of doing what she was thinking and making me confront him.

We walked toward the edges of the food court and made our way around the crowds of people bustling here and there. I wasn't totally out of Alex's sight, but we were far enough away that he wouldn't overhear things.

"Rose, are you ok?"

"No."

"Do you want to leave?"

Yes. "No."

"What can I do?"

"I don't know."

"We can ditch them, finish shopping, and then go out to dinner. That way we can still get in our whole day and not have to go back to the academy sooner than planned. Would that be ok?" She wanted me to still be ok and not dwell on Dimitri being here. She knew that if we went back now, I would never get out of my bed again.

I wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and have him tell me it was all a mistake. Sadly, that was not going to happen, so I collected myself as best I could and told her that that sounded fine. She was not convinced, but she was afraid that I was going to isolate myself if I was pushed, so she let it drop.

We decided to stop by an ice cream shop on the way back to our group. Whoever says that ice cream doesn't make it better is full of it. Ice cream fixes everything.

As we approached, I kept my eyes busy, looking everywhere except at him. I stayed standing so I wouldn't have to pass him again. That earned me a look from Alex. I didn't care. Let him deal with the most devastating thing that could possibly happen and then we would see who was giving who a look.

As Tasha and Alex finished talking, Lissa told me she needed to use the ladies room. We parted from the group again, heading to the bathroom.

When we got in there it hit me. I felt like I was going to puke. I pulled Lissa back against the wall. There was no time to push her back through the door.

About .5 seconds later, there was a huge crashing sound and the access door that was the janitor's closet burst open. A male Strigoi came bursting out into the aisle between the stalls. I charged him, lashing out at him while he was getting his bearings. Seeing as how he only took a second to do this, the period in between his inactivity to when his zeal to kill me kicked in was nonexistent.

"Run! Go to Alex!" I screamed at her.

The door opened and closed and I thanked God she was out of there.

"It will make no difference. We know where she is. We know how to get her. We will not stop. She will be dead before she leaves here Miss Hathaway." The Strigoi said coldly. The curl of his lip made my think he was not bluffing, and if that was the case, we needed to get out of here.

And how the hell did he know who I was?

"How do you know me?" I asked, dodging a lethal blow. He spun, trying to get closer to the door and away from me. It did not work. I raked him with my stake. He was not a new Strigoi, but he wasn't super old like Isaiah had been; the stake affected him. Of course, it affects all Strigoi, but their age seems to have some correlation with their resistance to pain. This Strigoi had also been a dhampir, so his resistance to pain had already been heightened before he turned.

Then I heard the door opening. I knew it was Dimitri and Alex. It had only been about thirty seconds since this fight had started.

His momentary distraction was all I needed. I feinted a kick and went for the line to his heart when he went to grab my leg. He was bending down, so all I had to do was thrust up. He stopped struggling as soon as the silver met his heart.

I pulled my stake out and shoved him off of me. Because he had been coming at me, his own force is what killed him, so naturally he had landed on me after he was dead. Gross. On the flip side, if I had somehow missed, I would have been the one who was dead, so I couldn't really be too put out by it.

I looked up and saw Alex and Dimitri looking at me.

"We need to get out of here. He said there were more. We need to leave right now. Where is Lissa? Come on! We need to go!"

"I need to call the Alchemists," Alex said pulling out his phone on the way back out of the bathroom. I found Lissa and pulled her close to me. Alex, Dimitri, Gabriel, and Xavier formed a sort of a bubble around Lissa and me. Tasha, much to my dismay, was in the middle as well putting her close to me, but now was not the time to be petty. My mission was to make sure the Moroi got out alive. Alex was leading the way to the cars and talking on the phone very softly. Dimitri was behind me, about four inches away. Despite everything, he made me feel safe.

Thankfully, we parked somewhere that had natural sunlight spilling over the cars. Alex got in first, and sat next to the opposite door, putting Lissa in the middle and me next to the other door. Dimitri sat in the front, putting Tasha in the back next to Gabriel. Xavier was driving. We left the other SUV because there was no time to get to the other car. It wasn't that there were Strigoi chasing us, it was that nobody wanted to waste time messing with other cars while there were two Moroi lives on the line.

Not wasting any time, Xavier pulled out of the nearest exit from the parking garage and got on the highway heading back to the academy.

**A/N I am so sorry about the wait! This was a huge chapter for me to write because of the description and the accuracy I hopefully harnessed. I had to rewrite the ending of this chapter about five times because I just couldn't get it right. I am still not 100% sure about it, but this was by far the best version I had written. I would rather write something worth reading than post something just to post something****J****. Anyways, I plan to put in a character description for Alex soon-like as in the next chapter-, so if you have any thoughts, please share! Please tell me what you think, be it good, bad, anything! Thank you guys so much for reading!**


	16. Chapter 16

The ride back to the academy was almost completely silent. The guardians were too busy watching out the windows, and Lissa was contemplating how effective Spirit would be on a Strigoi. She hadn't told me about this yet, but I was aware that she had been thinking about it lately. Tasha's mood could practically be felt, buzzing in the air around me. She was on an adrenaline high, which was why she couldn't sit still, and she was ready to take on the first Strigoi she saw. I wasn't sure if she would act on it though.

The only thing to break the silence was Alex on the phone to the Alchemists, the academy, and whoever else he needed to call. He was glancing at me in three to five minute intervals, which made me a little bit uncomfortable. He didn't have to worry though. I wasn't the same little girl who had chopped off the head of two Strigoi and then felt horrible about it later. I still felt horrible about taking a life, no matter how evil, but I had grown up since then.

When we got about five minutes away from the gate to St. Vlad's, I started to feel nauseous.

"They are close. Really close. Oh my God."

Dimitri was the first to speak. Of the guardians there, he was the most familiar with my 'gifts,' so he understood what I was talking about.

"If the Strigoi are near, we will need a plan. Tasha? Lissa? Stay in the car. Do not get out no matter what. The only time you get out of the car is if a guardian comes to get you. Everyone, be ready."

As he finished his sentence, there was a huge crash from the back of the SUV, pushing us even faster than we were initially going.

Xavier braked very softly, so we wouldn't roll, and we slowed down. The SUV didn't even stop before the guardians and I piled out, leaving the moroi in the car.

Out of the forest came a ring of Strigoi. They surrounded the car. There were five of us and about twenty five of them. Slowly, they closed in, forcing us to come away from the car a little bit. We couldn't have them attack us and be so close to the moroi.

One feinted to my right and dodged left. I was ready though, and I lashed out at him. There was no room for stupid mistakes.

He was about a foot and a half taller than me, and he outweighed me considerably. I used this to my advantage and raked him with my stake, using his slight pause as a chance to push him back into two other Strigoi that flanked him. After that, all hell broke loose.

I had staked my second Strigoi in a period of five hours, and then a third, and then a fourth. Finally, there were only six left. I felt a jolt of surprise through the bond. It distracted me for a second, and I got knocked back into the SUV. My vision blurred for a split second and then I recovered. Hitting your head that hard was never a good thing, and I was pretty sure I had gotten concussion.

I got up and rammed the Strigoi in the side, away from the passenger door. She turned and I shoved my stake into her, not caring what it hit, as long as I made contact.

It worked.

Now that I had her full attention again, I was able to get a clear shot at her heart. I took it and she crumpled to the ground, dead. I turned to see something that I did not expect. It was Tasha, standing behind Dimitri, lighting his Strigoi on fire. Now I understood Lissa's reaction. Dimitri flinched a little bit, not expecting Tasha to be behind him, but the Strigoi was too distracted to notice. While Dimitri snapped back attention, he staked the Strigoi.

Meanwhile, the Strigoi Alex was currently fighting took notice of Tasha and started over to her.

"NO!" I screamed. I ran over to meet the Strigoi and pushed Tasha out of the way. She ended up on the ground. As I fought this one, a fatigue washed over me. I tried to shake it off, but I couldn't. Alex was coming up behind this Strigoi, planning to surprise attack him inasmuch as you can do that to a Strigoi.

Of course, the Strigoi heard him or sensed him, or something, because suddenly, the Strigoi turned, but not before delivering a blow to my head in the exact same spot as where I hit it on the car.

I crumpled. Someone caught me before I slammed into the ground, but I was too out of it to notice who it was. They gently slid me down to the ground and went to finish the fight. There were about three Strigoi left , so it should have been finishing up soon.

In my mind, I saw myself lying on the ground while Dimitri fought three feet from my body. Tasha was in the car next to me, and The other three guardians were finishing off their Strigoi as well.

Why was Tasha next to me?

Oh.

I was seeing through Lissa's eyes. Then, I saw nothing.

**A/N I swear I didn't forget about you guys! Finals and everything are happening and I got a new job! Woo Hoo! I know I said I was going to put in a description for Alex in this chapter, but I couldn't fit it in. It is coming though, I promise:)****. Any and all comments are welcome! Thank you for reading!**

**-Love DimitriAndRoza Belikov **


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N Ok, just a heads up, I ****_briefly _****touched on some medical things in this chapter, so forgive me if I used any of it in the wrong context. Please let me know if I did and I will fix it, or just bear with me :). Also, some language caution, but nothing too horrible. Thank you!**

Rose. Rose.

Rose!

"Rose! Come on, wake up! Lissa, is there anything you can do?"

It was as if his voice was floating. It was there, but it could slip away any time it wanted. His was such a beautiful voice though, and I loved it. I decided that I wanted to hold on to it so it would never float away again.

I clawed my way to the surface, fighting tooth and nail to open my eyes so I could see him.

A sudden hot and cold sensation washed over me. It was a familiar sensation, but I couldn't recall where I had felt it before. Slowly, slowly, my consciousness came back to me.

"She did have a pretty nasty concussion. There also may have been bleeding in her brain, but it's gone now. I healed it away."

I opened my eyes slowly. We were in the SUV with the seats in the back laid flat, making a huge trunk space. I looked up and I saw the eyes of my rescuer. They were a beautiful chocolate brown framed with shoulder length medium brown hair that had fallen out of its ponytail holder.

I felt a mixture of things while I was in Dimitri's arms. I still loved him very, very much. So much it was practically bursting from my chest. I also felt betrayal and hurt and confusion as to why he would care so much about me after he had so clearly chosen someone else. I tried to get up but there were two sets of hands holding me down. One set of those hands belonged to Dimitri.

The other set of hands, however, were attached to a tall –about 5'10''-, lean-muscled man. He was tanned naturally, and he had really dark brown hair. It was darker than mine and it was long enough to be styled with gel if he wanted it to be. His eyes were light brown and softened around the edges when I met them. I came to remember that this was Alex. Yes, this was Alex and he was Lissa's guardian.

Oh my God. Lissa.

"Lissa, are you ok? Did they touch you? Did you just heal me?" I asked that last question a little harsher than I had intended.

"Rose, I'm fine. Please try to calm down. We need to get you to Dr. Olendski. You had a pretty nasty concussion and probably would have died if I hadn't taken care of it. So, yes, I healed you. Get over it." Lissa left no room for discussion.

Meanwhile, Xavier was almost to the gates and I noticed Tasha was sitting against the back of the driver's seat, watching Dimitri with a worried look. She never met my eyes. I couldn't tell if she was truly just concerned for his wellbeing or if she was trying to avoid me. After all, she was the reason Lissa had to heal me in the first place.

It was true that I hit my head on the car before she got out of it, but she had also been given orders to stay inside. The point of those orders was to keep everyone alive. Her presence on the battlefield had been a huge distraction for everyone, myself included, so I had to charge that Strigoi before I could truly size him up because he was going to get Tasha.

I may not be her number one fan, but the mantra "they come first" had been drilled into me since preschool. I couldn't have just let her die. This was hard for me because she was with Dimitri right now, and that drove me nuts.

Speaking of Dimitri, I was still in his arms and dammit if I didn't want to stay there. I knew this would hurt me more in the long run, so I tried to get up again. This time, I caught Dimitri off guard and I succeeded in sitting upright. The problem was, I still felt really dizzy. I swayed and fell into Alex and he caught me.

Holy shit.

"Can you please just lay me on the floor?"

As soon as I was flat on my back, I felt Lissa's hands on my arm. She had been sitting next to Dimitri, but angled away from the direct line of the door.

"There is nothing else to heal. Your body is probably just in shock. You're injuries were pretty severe. You shouldn't walk though; you might just end up hurting yourself more."

"Thank you for healing me, Lissa. I'm sorry you had to."

She felt the weight of my words settle around us and she knew who they were directed at. Apparently Dimitri did too because he stiffened. We had gotten through the gate and up to the academy.

There was a team of about twenty guardians waiting for us.


	18. Chapter 18

I was the last one to get out of the car. Before Alex could say anything, Dimitri swept me up in his arms and carried me to the school's infirmary.

"Why do you care so much, Dimitri? You left, remember? You should just put me down and let me drag myself by my fingernails."

I mostly meant that, but I really didn't ever want him to let me go. I looked up at him and he was looking at me. He saw the pain on my face – pain not caused by physical injuries- and his carefully guarded mask melted away to reveal the agony he felt.

"Rose, I cannot explain right now. I will, I promise. But I can't right now."

"You promise, huh? Well promise away Mr. 'My Heart Belongs To You.'" I was starting to cry. Damn it all for not being able to get a grip, but I was feeling so many things right now.

We got to Dr. Olendski in about two minutes flat. She was a bit shocked to see Dimitri but didn't say anything. She immediately went about examining me, doing an eye test and a memory test and a plethora of others. Dimitri stood back watching me with worried eyes that shadowed the pain he had shown earlier. I was starting to believe him about there being bigger fish to fry than just his and my relationship. Either that, or I was just too blinded by my love for him to not see whatever shit he was going to try next. I decided to give him a chance. After all, trying to live without him had been unbearable. If I turned him away before hearing what he had to say, I would never be able to live with myself again.

Dr. Olendski gave me a clean bill of health, but parroted what Lissa said about being in shock. She ordered bed rest for the remainder of the day and no practices tomorrow. I could live with that.

As we were descending the stairs, Dimitri ducked into an empty hallway and pulled me along behind him. It was an access hallway, so it wasn't usually too busy. Also, it helped that it was Saturday, so the traffic through it would be nonexistent.

He carefully placed me into a discarded chair and knelt in front of me. He looked into my eyes for a few moments before he spoke.

"Roza, I never stopped loving you." My heart stuttered but I refused to show any reaction to his words. "If I had any other choice, I wouldn't have left."

"You did have another choice. You could have told me. That is what two people who care about each other do. They work it out. Why can't you tell me now? Even if it was something awful, you could have still confided in me. Didn't you trust me?" I love you. I didn't say those last words to him, but, oh, I wanted to.

"Oh, Rose, yes. I couldn't have said anything to you though. Even telling you now is not the best decision. It could put both you and Lissa in danger-

"Yes, because we have always been so safe in the past. Come on com- Dimitri," I stumbled over my words, "whatever it is, you should be able to trust that we can handle it together."

"What about exposing our relationship to everyone?"

"What relationship? You dumped me for her, remember? The icing on the cake is that she almost got me killed this evening. That would have been convenient, huh? I mean it would have gotten me out of the way so there wouldn't have been any distra-"

His lips came crashing down on mine.

**A/N Another cliffhanger! I know, I'm evil, but I was writing and I decided that it would be a great place to stop just for the sake of breaking up the chapters :) . I saw that someone was concerned about this turning into a Tasha/Dimitri and Rose/OC, and that is not my intention at all. If it had been, that is how I would have labeled it, I promise. I can't say any more without giving up the rest of my plot. **

**Also, I'm not sure how many chapters are left, but again, I am making this up as I go, so I will definitely tell you guys when I think the end is near, but I don't plan on it ending for a while :). I am having too much fun with this for it to just end! Thank you guys for reading and PLEASE FEEL FREE to comment! You guys have been really encouraging and it just makes me want to write even more! Thank you SOSO much!**

**-Love DimitriAndRoza Belikov**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N I am so sorry that I haven't updated in forever! I am at a fork in the road at what to make this next chapter about. I was curious to see what you guys wanted to see happen with Rose. I have one version of the next few chapters written, but I will not disclose its contents at this moment for obvious reasons :). I would really love to see what you would like to read and see what Rose does. Do not fear, however, I will still make the ending as I originally intended it to be, I just am not so sure about which journey to the ending I should write.**

**I ask that you sate my curiosity and tell me what you think or would like to read, and tell me how you would like Rose to proceed. I really would love to hear what you guys are thinking and I immensely appreciate everyone reading! Thank you SO much!**

**-Love DimitriAndRoza Belikov**


	20. Chapter 20

To say that I was unsuspecting of this turn of events might be an understatement.

I really wanted to trust him. I really wanted to tell him I loved him. I wanted nothing more than to melt into him and forget the world.

Sadly, I couldn't.

Swiftly, I rammed my knee into his groin and pushed him away from me. He didn't fall over, but it stunned him for a few seconds. I wasn't sure how soon he was going to recover, so I got the hell out of there, praying I wasn't going to collapse again.

I knew he had something to tell me, but I could only take so much in one day.

First he left me with no other warning than some bullshit note. He left me feeling like I could be taken and tortured by Strigoi and I would welcome it gladly. Then, some new guy comes in and 'replaces' him and I am expected to just carry on like life is all good and fine while I am screaming and shouting on the inside that I just want to be left alone. No matter what I tried, I couldn't seem to pull myself out of the spiraling disaster that was raging inside of me. Then, after two weeks, he just happens to show up with Tasha -of all the fucking people in the world- at the mall, we were attacked by Strigoi, I was almost killed _because_ of Tasha, and he tells me he loves me and kisses me?

No. That didn't make anything better. All it did was make me want to go punch something.

I was really far away from the infirmary now, but I knew he was coming after me. I started running. I knew he would eventually find me, but I wanted it to be in a public setting so I didn't have to talk to him. So, despite what the doctor had ordered me not to do, I headed to the gym.

I changed into my workout clothes in about 25 seconds. There were a couple other people in the gym already. There were a few guardians in there working out, doing things like lifting weights and using the punching bags. I decided not to join them and started running, doing laps around the perimeter of the gym.

I hadn't been in the gym five minutes when he found me. I decided that I should probably not risk running with him and went over to a punching bag. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alex enter the gym dressed in workout clothes and I saw him see me.

Dimitri walked over to me and I ignored him. I ramped up the speed and intensity with the punching bag as he got closer.

"Rose, please."

"Shut up. You had your chance to talk and you left me a note instead. I am only going to say this once: Leave. Me. Alone."

"Please, listen to me. Rose, someone threatened your safety. Both yours and Lissa's. I had to-"

"No!"

I turned swung at him. He was ready for it though and blocked it. I came at him again and again, but he wasn't fighting back, he was only blocking. This just made me angrier.

I finally backed him up against the wall. He was no longer staff here, so that meant I didn't have to hold anything back. Well, I mean, technically, I did, but given our history, I wouldn't get in the same amount of trouble for not pulling punches. That was a good thing because everyone was looking our way by now.

I was still trying to land a punch when he caught my arm. He yanked me forward and around so my arms were locked across my chest and my back was pinned to him. He should have known better. He was the one who had taught me that move and how to get out of it.

Quickly, I smashed the top of his foot with my heel and then brought it up, yet again making contact with his groin. He loosened his hold which was enough for me to twist around and jab my elbow right in under his ribs.

He always told me to learn my opponent's greatest strength and then turn it against them. He was about to be really proud.

After I elbowed him, I grabbed his hands with my back still facing him and my arms still crossed and stepped forward, bringing him with me. He was both taller and heavier than me, so I used the forward momentum and his weight to bend over and flip him over my body head first. This also worked well because I was shorter than him, so he rolled off of me quicker and I didn't have to support his weight as long.

I knew the only reason I won was because he hadn't fought back. That still pissed me off. I couldn't stay here around him. Not now. I could feel the darkness of Spirit trying to seep into my mind. It made me feel close to that side of me that had a point of no return. I didn't want to go there. I pushed against it harder than I ever had before.

It had been about three seconds since Dimitri landed on the floor. He was starting to get up, looking worriedly at my face, knowing there was something wrong.

"Rose?" said a familiar voice. "Maybe you should sit down. You _did _just come from the infirmary, right? Was the doctor ok with you practicing so soon after what happened today?" That voice belonged to Alex.

Suddenly, he was holding me up. I couldn't grasp my bearings. The darkness… it was too much. Oh my God. It had never been this bad before. It felt as though a weight was crushing me. My head felt as though it was going to explode from the pressure. And, to top it all off, I was ready to rip somebody apart.

I was still standing with Alex holding me up. There were about seven or eight people who had already been in the gym who were coming closer to see what was happening.

I wanted to kill them all.

**A/N Ok. I seriously had the hardest time ever deciding what to post. I was thinking about writing an alternative to this chapter and posting it to see what you guys would think. Well, actually, I kind of already wrote most of the alternative chapter, but I was so conflicted on which one to post. I received one review about the ending of my last chapter and it made me think about reconfiguring my whole plot line from here on out. It didn't outright change, but there are some alterations for what is to come. I am so sorry that it took me, like, two weeks to write this, let alone edit it. It needs to take two hours at the most to write and edit these chapters, so you might see why this was frustrating to me. I like to post my chapters once weekly at least. I hate waiting for updates from other authors when I am really into their story, so I know how you guys feel. That is, if you really do look forward to me updating. If you do, then omg I am seriously flattered!**

**So anyways, short story long, I am sorry about the wait on this one, but please –and I am begging- PLEASE review! Thank you SO much for reading!**

**-Love DimitriAndRoza Belikov**


	21. Chapter 21

**I know this is short, but it needed to be its own part. :) I will post the next chapter shortly.**

Dimitri noticed the change in my stance and lunged for me.

"LET ME GO! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! YOU LEFT AND YOU DON'T CARE AND NEITHER DO I! LET ME GO!"

He pinned my hands the same way he did just a minute ago, but this time he was ready for any escape tactics I had ready.

"BELIKOV! What are you doing? This is my student!" This was Alex shouting at Dimitri over me screaming.

"I can assure you that you don't want her right now, Whylde," he muttered. He had dragged me out of the main part of the gym before I started yelling and we were back in the women's locker room now. Thank God it was vacant.

"I am going to KILL you! Get your hands off of me!"

"Let her GO Belikov!" He came at Dimitri ready to fight. Dimitri was trying -and failing- to ward him off without letting me go.

Finally, Alex delivered a roundhouse kick that Dimitri had to block or it would have gotten us both. He dropped me and I started running. I had to find her. She needed to leave, and she wasn't going to do that on her own. I needed to make her. I needed to show her how much I hated her. She needed to pay.

I went off to find Tasha Ozera. There was nothing –Hell nor high water- that was going to stop me.


	22. Chapter 22

One of the major flaws of Spirit-induced darkness is that it makes you act without letting you have a plan first. For example, finding Tasha was going to be a bit difficult because I didn't actually know where she was. I just knew that A: I needed to show her how much I had been hurting because of her and B: Dimitri was going to catch me if I didn't get the Hell out of dodge pretty quick. So, you see, I had no time for a plan.

My best guess was that she was in the guest housing getting her crap situated in her room. Unfortunately, I had learned that everyone in the SUVs were going to be staying here for safety reasons. So now, not only did I have to put up with Dimitri being here, I got to look forward to seeing Tasha out and about around the campus as well. That just made me angrier, if that was even possible.

I came to the entrance of the building and I could see Dimitri in the reflection of the glass. He was about three yards behind me. I yanked the door open, ran inside, and slammed it shut. This was the kind of door that had a little knob under the handle that gave one the ability to lock it from the inside. I quickly turned that little knob and was satisfied to hear a little clicking sound as the door locked. Dimitri promptly slammed into the door from the other side, knowing I had locked it. And, as I stepped back, the tiniest of cracks appeared in the glass.

**(If you have seen the Avengers by Marvel, then imagine Rose looking at Dimitri the way that Loki was looking at Thor when he trapped him in the glass room that could be ejected from the flying ship that was meant for the Hulk. Anyways, on with the story.)**

I had no doubt that he would break the door down to come after me, so I started running down the hall after passing through a deserted lobby. My goal was to find Tasha's room, but all of those plans went out the window upon hearing the front door shatter. Dimitri came through, and to my surprise, so did Alex. It's too bad they hadn't knock each other unconscious.

I reached the stairwell, threw the door open, and started up the stairs. I got to the second landing before I was caught. Dimitri landed on top of me, effectively pinning me to the ground.

A second later, I heard Alex speaking. "What's wrong with her?"

"Spirit.. It's too much.. She can't ..OOMPH!" Dimitri was struggling to keep me pinned. I guess it finally occurred to Alex that he should probably help or do something to keep me detained. When he started toward us, Dimitri said, "No! Go get the princess, or Adrian Ivashkov! NOW!"

The authority in his voice was unmistakable and commanded action. Alex left swiftly, the stairwell door closing with a loud 'thunk' behind him.

"Roza, calm down, please. This isn't you. Please."

I was beyond words at this point. I screamed. Or, well, I tried to, but Dimitri covered my mouth right after I took the hugest breath ever. I guess Dimitri guessed what I was going to do.

We stayed like that for about two minutes until Alex returned with both Adrian _and _Lissa.

"Rose? What-" Lissa started, but Adrian cut her off.

"Oh my God Rose… Your aura. It.. It.. It's so _black_."

"Can you get her to calm down?" Dimitri grunted out. Adrian didn't hesitate. He got down and looked me in the eye.

"Rose, calm down. Whatever is wrong, we will fix it together. Please, for me, for Lissa, please be calm and sit still."

And suddenly, Adrian made a whole lot of sense. Yes. I _should _calm down. Why was I so angry anyway? This was ridiculous. I needed to calm down and stop fighting.

I went still and relaxed. Dimitri felt me stop struggling and immediately let go of me. He sat up, pulling me with him so that I was cradled in his arms. He was crushing me to him, telling me it was ok over and over again. I didn't understand why he was so upset. I relaxed, just like Adrian wanted me to, and I was still relaxed right now… so what was there to be upset about?

Slowly I regained myself. I think the pace at which I regained control was completely Adrian's decision because it had taken nearly twenty minutes for me to realize what was happening. The only thing that was different was that I wasn't running around in a blind rage wanting to kill Tasha anymore. I was shaking.

I was shaking and in the arms of the man I loved. I was on the verge of tears. And I had an audience.

Alex was still there, looking very confused.

"Hey, Rose, it's ok now." This was Lissa. I was glad she was here right now. I really needed her.

"Oh? I almost _killed_ someone. I don't think that counts as 'ok...' Adrian? No!"

Adrian swayed and started to fall, but Alex was quicker. He caught Adrian before he hit the floor and laid him down gently.

"What's wrong with him? What is going on!?"

Lissa was quick on her feet and spotted the problem before I could have said anything about it.

"Alex, nothing is wrong. You will overlook the extremity of this situation and know only that we will tell you when we can. Do not speak to anyone about this. Take Adrian to the feeders and tell them you found him passed out and that he needs blood. Alex, Forget this incident for right now. Only remember when we tell you to. Just make sure Adrian is taken care of. Go!"

Without hesitation, Alex threw Adrian across his back and hurried back down the stairs.

Dimitri –still cradling me- stood and started carrying me up the stairs with Lissa following him.

"Where are we going?" she asked him.

"To my room."

**A/N Ok, PLEASE tell me how you liked this chapter! I wrote and rewrote this chapter, hence the week between postings. I am really excited about writing more of this now that I have a little bit more clarity on what is to come for these characters, so let me know how you are liking it!**

**I also wanted to say thank you to everyone who gave me feedback over the last chapter! I found it extremely helpful and it made me excited about continuing this story! I still think it is amazing that people would actually ****_want_**** to read the things that I write :). That is really huge for me, so, as always, thank you for reading!**

**-Love DimitriAndRoza Belikov**

**PS. Does anyone know what part of the Avengers I was talking about?**


	23. Chapter 23

"What happened?" asked Lissa. She was trying to be calm about this, but she knew the answer wasn't going to be good.

While I was listening to this, I was lying on his bed, trying to pull myself together. Having the darkness invade my mind like that was the worst feeling in the world. I felt so vulnerable to it, like it was waiting for me to stumble again. I was scared because it took a total of four people to bring me out of it. They wouldn't always be there to stop me, and I had been hell bent on hurting someone who wasn't a true threat to me. Yes, she had Dimitri now, but, realistically, that wasn't something I needed to hurt her over.

Dimitri spoke, "I don't know exactly, but she was being controlled by the darkness. She kept saying she needed to make 'her' pay. I don't know who 'her' is, but I'm glad I stopped Rose before any major damage could be done." There was pain behind his words. I knew why. It was because I had pretty much told him that I hated him. This is something he didn't tell Lissa, but it was bothering him all the same.

"Can you see her aura?" Dimitri asked.

"Yes. It looks normal enough, but there is still a tinge of darkness around it… and in it. But it looks nothing like it did when I first saw it a few minutes ago."

_Fragile. It is so fragile right now. _She _is so fragile right now._ I heard Lissa's voice in my head, but I don't think she was worried that I might hear her. She was still concerned about how this was going to affect me later on; _this_ being my recent mental break accompanied by Dimitri being so personally involved in it. She had a few guesses as to why I snapped as well, but those were too slippery for me to grasp right now.

I decided that I had shown enough weaknesses for the day and got up off of the bed.

"Rose-" Dimitri started.

"No. I am fine. Thank you Guardian Belikov, for everything, but I need to get back to my dorm, curfew will be soon, and since you are no longer an instructor here, I won't have anyone to sneak me back in." I stumbled over the ending a little bit, not wanting to look him fully in the face, because I was sure my expression would confirm everything he was probably thinking right now: yes, I still loved him, no, I was not ok, yes, I wanted to stay here with him, but, no, I couldn't because it would hurt me too much, and good lord I was NOT ready to talk about what happened this afternoon, starting with that kiss.

"Thank you for everything," I whispered to him, still facing him but not meeting his gaze. He reached out to tilt my chin up, but I backed away and closed my eyes. I would NOT cry in front of him. I turned without any other parting words and left with Lissa right behind me.

**A/N I am sorry that it took me so long to post another chapter! I had fun writing this chapter and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! Please review! It helps me out a lot! :)**

**Thank you so much for reading!**

**-Love DimitriAndRoza Belikov **


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N I don't even have an excuse. I'm sorry I took so long with this update. Thank you for your reviews!**

As we shut the door to his room, we turned and saw Tasha coming down the hallway towards us, and suddenly, it was all too much. I turned on my heel in an about-face and for headed for the other stairwell. I felt Lissa through the bond and knew she was conflicted about what to do. On one hand, Tasha was Christian's aunt, and she loved Christian and didn't want to be mean to his family. On the other hand, she knew that I had just had something major happen to me and she was not about to let me go off on my own right now. So, with a wave to Tasha, she turned to follow me down the hall to the stairs.

Tasha knocked on Dimitri's door and I heard it open immediately.

"Hey, you." She said.

I was so close to escaping. I was just at the stairwell door and I didn't think I deserved to hear whatever he was going to say to her. I don't think I could have taken it.

The door was the kind where you had to push the bar in to get the door to open, so, making as much noise as I could to drown him out, I slammed my hands into the bar, making the sound echo throughout the entire floor and made the door smack back into the wall. I made sure it wouldn't hit Lissa in the process and I kept walking.

We made it outside before Lissa said anything.

"Where do you want to go?"

That was a very good question. I wasn't sure where to go right now. I could go back to my room, but then I would only be there with my thoughts and the silence. The gym was out because of the very likely possibility that I could run into Alex, and I didn't feel like pretending right now. The compulsion that Lissa used on him didn't prevent him from asking questions.

"I don't know. There is really nowhere that I want to be. It is almost Sunday morning vampire-time though, so I would really not like to have to talk to too many people."

As we were passing through the main quad, we heard someone calling our names. Maybe it was just me, but it seemed to be really early for any normal person to be awake right now.

We both turned and saw Christian and Eddie coming up behind us.

"Lissa! What's going on? When Guardian Whylde came and got you-"

"Can we NOT do this out in the middle of public? PLEASE?" I said, exasperated.

"It's been kind of a hard day, er, night, or whatever," said Lissa. "Let's just go somewhere where we can talk without being overheard."

"Everyone will be going to church in a little while, so we can't go there," said Christian.

"How about we just go to the library," said Eddie. "Even the librarian goes to church today, so it will only be either her assistants or someone unfortunate enough to get stuck having detention in there today."

"Fine, but let's just get the hell out of here. I don't feel like talking to anyone else today." I said. I was looking for any reason I could to buy some time and think of a way not to tell them about the last part of my day. Apparently, I had been in Dimitri's room a bit longer than I thought because when we had emerged, night had fallen.

As we made our way to the library, Eddie and Christian were totally silent. Lissa's thoughts were thrumming about 90 miles a second through the bond, making it hard to concentrate. She was worrying about some of the same stuff I was, which wasn't helping anything. The main thing that she seemed to be concerned with was my mental stability and how I was going to proceed once we were secluded away in the library. I literally had to shove her away once she started thinking about if or how I was going to explain about Dimitri and me.

Luckily, we got through the doors without being accosted by anyone and made our way to an unoccupied back table.

"Ok, unleash your questions," I said. I decided that it would be better to explain only what I had to and not chance over speaking myself. Lissa was slightly surprised about my approach, but didn't say anything.

"What happened while you guys were shopping? With the Strigoi attack? All of the Guardians are talking about it to each other, but they have been careful not to let any of us hear them," said Christian.

"Well, we were attacked. By Strigoi. In the mall. And also on the way back to the Academy. It was not something that anyone wants to tell you because the Strigoi knew me by name. That also means that they know about Lissa, you, Eddie, Adrian, and everyone else I care about."

"Wait, they attacked you guys twice? What happened Rose? I know that look. That look means something serious is going on. Tell me. Please," said Eddie. I really didn't want to keep anything else from him, and not telling him would only possibly damage something, be it physically or mentally or emotionally, I knew from experience the longer you were kept in the dark, the worse things could be for you.

"Well, we think they might be getting organized for something. I mean, why else would they know about me? They only obtain things for their own benefit, so why would they want to know about me? And Lissa?"

"Who is 'we,'" Eddie asked, oh so observantly.

"Um, just the guardians who were with us at the mall. I overheard them talking when we got back, and I hate to admit that there is some truth to what they were saying."

"Is it true that Guardian Belikov was one of those people in that van?" asked Christian.

If there was ever a time I wore my guardian mask, this was it. "Yes."

"So he's back then? With Aunt Tasha? And she hasn't come to say hello?"

"I don't think they are back permanently. They are just staying until the guardians know it's safe for them to leave." I was trying to keep it together. The day's events had taken their toll on me and I was suddenly feeling very heavy. Almost dying because of the woman who was with the man you loved and having the darkness take over your mind so strongly that you wanted to kill her later that same day was a lot to deal with. I must have shown it because Eddie noticed my weariness.

"Rose, what is going on? Why did Guardian Whylde come to get Adrian and Lissa? Why do you look like you are about to pass out? I know you fought Strigoi today, but you shouldn't be about to pass out."

"It's nothing-

"Rose! Just tell them. They have a right to know. They care about you just as much as I do." Said Lissa.

I took a huge breath and steeled myself. I wasn't completely on the same page as Lissa. I didn't think that everything should be out in the open, so I clamped my lips together and stared at her.

She took the hint, but instead of shutting up, she started talking.

"Rose almost died. She was in the second battle with the Strigoi and she hit her head. Twice. The first time was an accident, well, inasmuch as a fight with a Strigoi can _be _an accident. The second time, it was because Tasha got out of the van."

"How-" Christian started. The look on his face was unreadable. He loved his aunt very much and didn't seem to be too keen on hearing anything that was her fault, but Lissa silenced him.

"Please, Christian," she said, trying to get him to listen before he started jumping to conclusions.

"She got out of the van after very specific orders were given to stay inside; she was trying to help. She began using her magic offensively to distract the Strigoi. This was all good and well, but the Guardians were not expecting her to get out.

"They had their own backs covered, and when she got out of the van, that cover was gone. The Strigoi took advantage of that and started moving toward her. She didn't notice, and none of the other guardians could get away except for Rose. Rose pushed Tasha out of the way just in time. That Strigoi would have killed her.

"Then Guardian Whylde tried to come up behind the Strigoi and take it by surprise. It didn't work. The Strigoi hit Rose on the head for the second time in the span of three minutes and it knocked Rose out. By the time I got to her, she was almost dead."

By the end of her explanation, Lissa had tears streaking down her cheeks. I was trying not to show any reaction to her words, but when I saw the tears on her face, I couldn't take it anymore. I reached over and pulled her into a hug. "Don't worry," I said. "Your badass healing powers saved me. Now Rose Hathaway gets to live out her life using Rose-logic and making people do the right things." I paused dramatically. "Lissa, what _have _you done?"

Lissa laughed. "Oh, yes. What a poor world."

"Wait, did you say that you healed her? Are you ok?" asked Christian.

"Yes Christian, I'm fine."

He gave her a long look before glancing over at me. "Are _you_ ok Rose?"

I started to tell him the truth about what had just happened, but I decided against it. There was enough 'woe is me' going around right now for myself, and I didn't really want to add to it.

"I'm fine," I said a bit too smoothly.

Eddie's attention shifted ever so slightly. It was covert enough that only I noticed. I turned and looked to see what he was looking at and saw Jill coming down the aisle to our table.

"Hi! Oh, Good! You guys are back safe! I heard about the attack at the mall. Are you guys ok? I would have been so scared! You are so brave Rose. Even as much as I have been practicing, I don't think I could take on a Strigoi by myself. Hey, what's wrong?"

I stood in the middle of her exhalation of words and started walking. I decided that I was tired enough to sleep now and I could even stand to be in my own room while I did it.

"Would you like me to come with you Rose?" asked Lissa.

"Yes. I would like that." I would like to not be alone, I thought. I was too afraid of what the night would bring.

**A/N As always, please tell me what you liked, didn't like, your thoughts, annoyances, suggestions, anything! thank you guys So much for your continued support! Thank you for reading and have a fantabulous day!**

**-Love DimitriAndRoza Belikov**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N Ok, so I wasn't happy with the way this chapter turned out the first time, so I added on to it. It is the same beginning, but I tried to end it a bit smoother than I did the first time. I promise the next post will be a new chapter. **

**THANK EVERYONE FOR READING AND REVIEWING! I really appreciate it and it helps me out a lot!:) **

**-Love DimitriAndRoza Belikov**

I only woke up once throughout that entire night thinking that Lissa was about to die. She was there though, making sure I was ok and assuring me that everything was fine. After that, I went back to sleep and didn't wake up until mid-afternoon on Monday.

I had missed both classes and practice, but I didn't entirely care. I was still too disoriented to even notice that Lissa was gone. She left me a note, however. It said, "_Rose, I will see you later tonight. I had to go to class. Sorry I wasn't there when you woke up. I hope you're feeling better! –Lissa_."

I put the note back on my table and looked at my clock. I could take a shower and make it in plenty of time for dinner. I didn't really want to leave my room, but I didn't really want to stay in it for too long either. I knew I was eventually going to have to face my thoughts, but I wasn't ready to do that yet.

I showered and dressed in some jeans and a hoodie. It was nothing special, but I didn't want to be late.

I walked over to the cafeteria, and on the way, I ran into Adrian.

"Hey little dhampir. How are you doing?" he asked.

"I should be asking you that. You made a huge sacrifice for me by using that much Spirit. Thank you Adrian. Truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you."

"Aww come on," he said lightly, "you make me sound like a Saint or something. We both know I am a far cry from Sainthood." He was trying to brush it off like it was nothing, but I knew better.

"Adrian, you saved me from myself. I was ready to kill someone. Like, in my mind, that was a rational idea. I would have regretted it for the rest of my life."

He turned toward me suddenly and scooped me to him in a huge hug. "I am just so glad I got to you in time Rose. I knew something was wrong when Alex came to get us like that yesterday. I just didn't know how bad it was. Seeing you like that was the hardest thing I have ever had to see. I don't know if I would have even been able to help you if I hadn't been talking to Christian and Eddie. I just stepped out for a cigarette and they happened to be walking by. I never smoked that cigarette. If I had, where would you be? Lissa had already used enough magic for the day; I don't think you could have taken any more. What if I hadn't been able to heal you Rose? What if I-

"Adrian! I'm fine now. That's what matters. I am fine because you were able to help me. I am going to ask you to do something for me, ok?" I made him look me in the eye before continuing, "You must never dwell on what might have been. You must always concentrate on the present and what is. I am fine because you helped me, end of story. There can never be an alternate ending because what has already happened has already happened. It's ok Adrian."

"Ok," he said in a weak voice. That much usage of Spirit was taking its toll on him. That was not something I took lightly.

"Where were you going?"

"I… I can't remember."

"Was it important?"

"No, not really. I think I was just trying to get away.. or… something… I can't remember," he said again.

"It's all right. Do you want to come to dinner with me? I was just on my way to meet Lissa, Christian and Eddie. And probably Jill, unfortunately." I said that last part mostly to myself, but Adrian laughed anyway.

"That sounds good," he said. He was still on stormy waters as far as the Spirit effect was concerned, but he seemed to have a bit more clarity with what was going on. I was glad I found him when I did or things might have been worse.

We set off for the dining hall together, both glued back together for now. Unfortunately, I knew that good things like this had to come to an end eventually, especially with a band of Strigoi -who were out to get me- on the loose.

It was still early when we arrived, so there wasn't as huge of a crowd as there normally was. It was odd for me to not have anyone staring at me, thinking I was going insane. It seemed that the whole school would know about what had happened with the Strigoi.

_But-_ I thought-_ it is so much more than that._

I felt like they would have guessed about Dimitri and me, or how badly I had wanted to harm someone who was innocent just hours ago. I felt as though someone would come up and ask me something that would make me fall apart or trigger the darkness again.

_Snap out of it, _I thought. Spirit had taken its toll on me, I realized. Where had the confident, reckless, witty Rose Hathaway gone?

I straightened up and joined the conversation.

Eddie was going on about the upcoming trials.

"What about you Rose?" Jill asked.

"Sorry, what?"

"For field experiance! Who are you looking forward to facing off with? Oh! What if you had to fight Guardian Whylde?"

I pasted a smile on my face and took a deep breath. Maybe if I talked to her about Alex a little bit, she would finally leave me alone about it.

"That would be interesting, wouldn't it? Definitely crowd-worthy."

"What if it were going to be Guardian Belikov? I think you could take him! Man, that fight would be _epic._"

Lissa was pretending to agree, glancing worriedly at me. I quickly jumped into her head to see how I looked, and I was the picture of calm. Good. I didn't want anyone questioning it right now.

As dinner was coming to an end, Alex walked through the door. A look of confusion passed over his face as his gaze swept over Lissa and me. I could tell that the compulsion wasn't going to last forever; I was going to have to confront him eventually.

I carefully kept my face blank and turned back to my friends. Adrian caught my eye and I nodded slightly, answering his unasked question. We would just have to deal with Guardian Whylde when the time came.


	26. Chapter 26

Over the next few days, I got back into my routine. Wake up early, go to practice, dodge questions from Alex, go to class, attempt normalcy around my friends, go to evening practice, dodge more questions, take a shower, do homework, go to bed. While I was doing all of these things, I was also constantly avoiding Tasha and Dimitri.

He would always pop up where I wasn't expecting him: in the hallway between classes, outside when I was doing my morning run, in the feeder room when Lissa needed blood. Maybe it seemed he was everywhere to me because more often than not, he was with Tasha.

One evening, a few days after trying to kill Tasha, I was headed to the gym to start my after school practice with Alex. As I came to the door, I heard voices speaking in hushed tones. They were both male voices, and one had a slight Russian accent.

Oh. My. God.

"Hello Rose," said Alex.

I glared at him in return.

"I have decided to ask Guardian Belikov to step in today and practice with you-

"Why?"

"Well, I think you have been holding back with me during our training sessions. I would like to get an idea of your full capabilities before I decide how to move forward in practices."

"If you thought I was holding back, why didn't you just say so?"

"Because that wouldn't have made any difference. You would have just shrugged it off and moved on."

Or I would have gotten pissed off and kicked his ass. I was willing to admit that Alex was a good guardian, he had his strengths and had mastered most techniques to perfection, but he had his faults as well. He had a horrible predictability problem, meaning I would know what he was going to do before he did it and in what order he would use his moves. He also had a problem with keeping his left arm where it needed to be in order to protect his side. It wasn't something that was obnoxiously noticeable, and you could tell he knew about this problem, because he had to make a conscious effort to remember to fix it.

It was just little stuff like that that he needed to fix, but I wasn't his mentor, he was supposed to be mine. And honestly, I didn't care that much about what he needed to fix. So yes, I had been holding back, hoping he wouldn't notice and just go about my lessons with him thinking we were making progress. Apparently, my strategy hadn't worked.

"I hardly see the reason for taking such drastic measures in ensuring that I was giving one hundred percent in practice. All you had to do was ask." I said. I know I sounded like an idiot, but by bringing in Dimitri, he had thrown me off my game. I guess sounding like an idiot was the way I was regrouping.

Dimitri, remaining silent until now, spoke up, "I agreed that it would be good for both of you to have an understanding of where you stood with your training in order to move forward in practices."

"Can I just spar with you?" I asked Alex. "I really don't see the point in sparring with someone whom I have already sparred with several times. It isn't teaching me anything new."

"We will practice together today; however, you will practice with Guardian Belikov before today's session is over."

"If I had known how easy it was to get you to give in, I would have just asked you to cancel practices from now on and leave me to my own misery," I said sarcastically.

"LAPS Hathaway! LAPS! Give me thirty five! GO!"

After rolling my eyes dramatically, I took off. It felt good to run- it helped me clear my mind and focus on what was to come. I was going to have to control my emotions. I couldn't let either of them see how much this was hurting me. I didn't like to see how easily they conversed or that they even had things to talk about in the first place. And the fact that Alex felt comfortable enough to approach Dimitri about me made me… anxious. I don't know why, but that is the way I felt about it. It was like now I had to anticipate Dimitri being invited to my practices and/or getting the 411 about what was going on with me.

As I rounded the corner to my last lap, I saw the doors to the gym open. Guess who it was. Just guess.

Yep, you were right. It was Tasha. She was dressed in workout clothes with her long hair pulled back into a sleek ponytail.

"Hey! Christian said I might find you here. I heard that you were coming to work out this evening, and I was wondering if I could join you," she said with a cheery smile.

"Well, I actually came to practice with Rose and Guardian Whylde. I wanted to see how they were doing," he said.

"Ooh, that sounds exciting! I've never seen the famous Rose Hathaway in action before," she said teasingly. Maybe she forgot that little stint where she almost got me killed. She stepped back anyway, inviting herself to watch. Dimitri stepped back and stood next to Tasha. Alex, however, stepped forward and stood facing me.

I was beyond pissed. What was this? My practices were not a five star show. They were supposed to be private, hence the 'before school' and 'after school' times.

Fine. If Alex truly wanted me to stop holding back, I was going to give him what he wanted.

He initiated the attack with a swipe to my shoulder. I shifted slightly and went for his left side –the one he had problems keeping protected- and nailed him in the ribs right above his kidney. He staggered and I didn't hesitate. Swiftly, I faked left and kicked out right, hooking my foot around his leg. I jerked it toward me and he landed flat on his back; I didn't fail to notice that he had also landed out of bounds. It was something I took great pride in.

Honestly, I did feel a little bit sorry for him. The man had fought Strigoi before and obviously hadn't been killed, but I just kicked his ass. If I had to make an excuse for him, I would probably say he had gotten comfortable with the way I had been sparring, meaning he was used to the Rose Hathaway who didn't try.

He groaned as he rolled over to get up. Dimitri was watching stoically while Tasha's face hid nothing. She had a mixture of shock and disbelief wash over her features, and then she settled for sympathy. I was guessing she was feeling sympathetic toward Alex, but quite honestly, that just annoyed me more.

"Two out of three?" I asked him.

"Yes, just like always," he said. Dimitri shifted slightly.

I went back into my stance and this time I initiated the attack. I had him on the ground in about fifteen seconds.

We always did the third round, even if one person had won the first two times.

By the time the last round had started, he had learned a few things. He learned that if he didn't move quickly, I wouldn't hesitate to go in for the takedown. He learned that he had a predictability problem. And –perhaps most importantly- he learned just exactly how much I had been holding back.

I still came out on top, but he had stepped up his game. Maybe I could get him to shake his predictability. That was honestly the thing that bothered me the most about his fighting, mostly because I had always learned it was a bad habit in a real fight.

"All right, I think that just about wraps things up. Let's just skip the cool down part of practice and go straight for the showers."

"I don't think so Miss Hathaway. As per our deal, you will now spar with Guardian Belikov. It is essential for me to understand how to move forward in our practices."

"English please?"

"He wants to observe our fighting techniques in order to prepare your lessons from here on out. He is saying that it will be beneficial not only to you, but for him as well."

You know, it's funny that the guy whose first language was Russian was able to explain to me what someone who spoke solely English could not. I missed working with someone who put things simply like that. Now, I practically had to have a five minute conversation with Alex to understand what was even going on. With a sigh of frustration, I gave in. There was no point in arguing about it anymore. Maybe, if I went quietly, I could get out of here faster.

"Whatever," I said, "let's just get this over with."

I looked up at Dimitri's face and was a bit surprised about what I saw there. His expression was a mixture of sadness and hurt, probably about what I had just said. However, I was still angry, angry about everything; I was angry about him leaving with no other warning besides a note, making me pick up the pieces of my heart and shove them back together. I was angry about having to pretend everything was ok and lying to my friends. I was angry that, of all people, he would choose to be with Tasha. But the thing that I was the most angry about was that he left only to have the academy try and replace him. I wasn't sure how much of that anger was directed toward him and how much anger was for him, but all I knew at that moment was that I had been alone for two weeks. I know Lissa had been there for me, as well as Adrian, but for all intents and purposes he –my other half, my soul mate- had left me to stand alone.

I rounded to face him, bracing myself for the fight. Alex backed away, keeping his eyes trained on us. It was clear that the man had heard stories about Dimitri and me. He settled himself against the wall and waited.

I was the first to strike. I moved forward a fraction of an inch, going low to his side and then deflected his block, striking his side again. I straightened up and stepped back. He right on top of me, mirroring every move I made. I wasn't pulling punches below the neck, which was against the rules, but I didn't care.

He faked to his right but came in low with his foot, knocking me off balance. I staggered back, but Dimitri wasn't having it. He reached out and grabbed me, pulling me to him, trying to pin me either on the floor or to himself. As my back was against him, I hooked both of my feet around his ankles and threw my weight backward into him. He went down, back first, and took me with him.

He went to roll over so that he would be on top, but I couldn't allow that. I was laying

With my back on his chest, I untangled my feet from his and squeezed my knees to my chest. With that little bit of leverage, I was able to twist slightly and free my right arm from his grasp. I elbowed him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him for a few seconds and I was about to pin him when my vision blurred.

Lissa.

**A/N I am so sorry about how long it has taken me to post another chapter. I just started a new semester of college and I am taking four online classes. *makes a face*. I seriously stayed up until 2 am editing this chapter, so if there are mistakes, I'm sorry. Please let me know how you are liking the story, or if you are even liking the story, or anything else! **

**I read the review about plot progression. Don't worry! I'm trying to set some stuff up first, but I'm getting there!**

**On a side note, is anyone here a Bro?**

**Thank you SOOO much for reading. Please leave me a review! It really helps me out!**

**-Love DimitriAndRoza Belikov**


	27. Chapter 27

Unknown POV_ (Earlier)_

"If you don't do something soon, you will find yourself short of my help. You've hardly done anything for me and everything for yourself."

"I haven't been able to plan anything. I've been so busy with keeping up appearances. Do you have any idea how much practice it takes to even come close to grasping compulsion? Lissa does it as easy as breathing-"

"Don't talk about her! I hate her! She doesn't deserve what she has! She doesn't even know how lucky she is!"

"All in due time. Just be patient. You have been loyal to me so far. I will act soon, but now is not the best time to do it. I already have a suspicious party on my trail, and not even because I wasn't careful."

This girl had no idea who she was messing with. I could set the Strigoi on her ass so fast that she wouldn't even have time to blink. Ah, the Strigoi, they were getting restless. After both the mall and the ambush were busts, they were almost to the point of being inconsolable. I really did hate those bastards, but in lieu of the timeframe I would like to keep within, they were my best option. Hopefully I could kill a few of them myself when this was over.

As for this girl, she was ambitious. She wanted to get the job done, and I respected her for that. I just didn't respect her enough to make sure I followed through on my word. I couldn't risk losing my informant, however, so something had to be done.

It was time to talk to the Strigoi.

RPOV _(Present Time)_

Dimitri didn't notice that I was no longer fighting. I felt him go to pin me, so I nailed him in the shin. Hard. He recoiled from my body enough that I was able to get away. I started running toward the door, trying to get a reading on where Lissa was.

I dug through her mind. She went for a walk with Christian –along the perimeter of the school no less- they were looking for something. I dug deeper.

There was supposed to be something out there, something that was of great interest to Christian. He promised that it would be something for both of him, but he was going to keep it a secret until he found it. Now I saw what she was seeing.

She approached the tree. There was something behind it. No, wait. It was some_one_. And they weren't moving.

She came around to the front of the tree. It was a man. The man had his eyes closed, almost as if he were sleeping.

_Run Lissa! Get out of there! That is no man! _I was shouting at her in my mind, wishing more than anything that the bond was reciprocal.

The Strigoi opened his eyes and smiled at her. She stood frozen in place. Christian was nowhere to be seen according to Lissa's eyes.

"So, this is the famous Miss Vasilisa Dragomir. The question now, my sweet, is whether I kill you and take the credit for wiping out a royal line or bring you to my boss and get a promotion. Hmm… decisions, decisions. Perhaps I will let you decide, but you only have about five seconds. Either choice is to my benefit, so I really can't lose can I?"

"Why are you doing this? Who sent you?" The Strigoi let out a cruel chuckle.

"Well, I'm afraid I cannot tell you that. If I did, I wouldn't be likely to be rewarded for it, and then where would I be for my efforts? Perhaps you can be told right before you are killed. After all, everyone has a right to know why they are dying… at least, that is my philosophy. Maybe I wouldn't have to kill you. Maybe I could awaken you… anyway, you have five seconds before I make your choice for you.

I was still about fifty yards out… and the Strigoi was closing in.

"No answer, huh? Well, I think I am going to awaken you. I think you will make a nice addition to my followers. Then we can overthrow both of them. I will tell you who once I awaken you. I cannot risk anything unnecessary."

He closed in. I was ten yards out. He honed in on Lissa's throat and bit down. She moaned. I felt her brain go from utter fear and panic to pain, and then to bliss.

She wanted more. She never wanted him to stop. She melted into him; he was her world. He was hers and nobody would ever take him away…

He was so busy compelling her into not fighting back that he neglected to take in his surroundings.

I took a flying leap at him and knocked him back a few feet from Lissa.

"Ungh.." Lissa groaned. She fell to her knees and then face planted onto the ground.

"Rose Hathaway, I have heard a lot about you."

I wasn't wasting time by talking to him. I went for his weak spot: his legs. He was tall enough that his legs would be a problem for him to defend. I know that sounds weird, but we really do learn about crap like that in classes like Stan's (yes, I paid attention in class).

He had been a Moroi before turning, but be was old enough to have had some fighting experience. The up side to this was that he was not expecting to fight someone who was almost a fully trained guardian. He was prepared for spats among Strigoi and maybe chasing a moroi here or there. His movements were jerky, but did a good job of keeping me at bay.

I knew Lissa was losing blood fast; I had to end this.

His attention shifted past me.

'You.." he said, his eyes widening.

I took this momentary distraction as my cue and I shoved my stake through his heart. He fell to the ground, dead.

I rushed to Lissa's side. Her blood was flowing freely down her neck and into the grass.

"NO! NONONO! NO LISSA! COME APPLY PRESSURE TO THIS _NOW_!" I screamed to no one in particular. Alex had already rushed to my side. He pressed his hand to her neck. I could feel her fading fast. I did the first thing I could think of and made a gash across my wrist with my stake. I pressed it to her mouth and she started drinking.

Having a vampire drink your blood without the endorphins is highly uncomfortable.

I felt her growing stronger with each swallow. She was by no means out of the woods, but at least she wasn't two heartbeats away from death anymore.

I ripped the bottom of my shirt and made a makeshift tourniquet. I made sure that it was secure enough that it wouldn't slip but made sure she could still breathe. Then I made a bandage for my wrist. By that point, Alex had already scooped her up and was racing toward the infirmary. I was right behind him, as were Tasha and Dimitri, and then I wasn't. I was falling. I hit the ground. Hard.

I think I let Lissa drink more than she should have.

**A/N Ok, well, I was really motivated to write this chapter. It is 12:04 am, I have work at 9:45, and I have homework… yes I put fanfiction before homework this time :). Lol Anyways, I am really excited to post this chapter. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! What is going to happen to Rose? Who is working with the Strigoi? Who hates Lissa so much that they want her dead? PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Also, if my authors note sounds a little funny, that is because I am adding it earlier than I usually would. I usually add the authors note to the editing screen in the submit docs place, but I am being lazy and writing it in my Word Document.**

**This is what sleep deprivation does to you; it makes you ramble and share uninteresting facts. OMG.**

**Oh, and PS, let me know how I did on the POV thing because I am not really very apt with those. **

**-THANK YOU!**

** DimitriAndRoza Belikov**


	28. Chapter 28

Light was streaming through the window. How long had I been here?

Where was 'here?'

"Oh, Rose, you're awake," said a very relieved voice. It was Eddie.

"What's goin' on?" I asked, still not fully awake.

"You've been in the infirmary. You were in a precarious position there for a while. You lost a lot of blood feeding Lissa. If you had gone on for even another five seconds, you would have probably not have made it. Rose, you scared everyone. You scared me."

Eddie was on the verge of tears. He didn't want me to see his face.

"Eddie, look at me. I'm sorry. I know, Mason will always be with me too, but I don't plan on joining him any time soon. Don't you know that Rose Hathaway doesn't just give up?"

"Yeah," he said really quietly.

"Hey, it's ok. Eddie, it's ok. I know."

He met my eyes and I saw the tears streaking down his face. "Not you too, Rose. You are not allowed to leave me too. I can't do it. I know that you saved Lissa, and I am very grateful that she is alive, but I can't lose you too."

"I plan on being a very annoying wart on your ass for the rest of your life, so you can guarantee that I will be here," I said with an air of aloofness behind my words as I inspected my nails.

"Only you would say something like that to try and make someone feel better," said Eddie, sounding a tad bit lighter.

"Did it work?"

"Yes."

"Rose? Oh you're awake!" said Lissa as she entered the room. A million things flew through the bond: anticipation, relief, joy, shame; she was glad I was alive but ashamed that she was the one who put me in the infirmary.

"Liss, don't. I am your guardian. Protecting you doesn't always mean saving you from Strigoi. I didn't have to do that, but I wanted to. I'm just sorry that nobody was there." Speaking of people who weren't there, "Where is Christian?" He was the first person I was going to interrogate in all of this. I was trying to remind myself that he loved her and would never intentionally walk her into a trap, but I was still super pissed that he was nowhere to be seen when I arrived.

"I think he is with Tasha right now. I know what you are going to ask him. You're going to ask him why he wasn't there. You are going to ask him where he went and why. I asked him those things too and he says he has no idea.

"And you believe him?" I wasn't being sarcastic, honestly. I was truly trying to get a gage on things.

"Yes. I do. He wouldn't lead me into a trap. He wouldn't abandon me on purpose. I know that you aren't going to give up just like that, but I don't think Christian was aware of what he was doing."

"You mean the same way compulsion works?"

"Yes. I've seen compulsion victims, and he fits the description. He is very confused about what happened and he doesn't remember asking me to go walking with him. He is horrified about what happened and blames himself. He said that he remembers me coming to find him in the cafeteria for dinner, and then he woke up in his room on the floor the next morning."

Eddie –who had been quiet until now– spoke, "Adrian spoke with him as well. It seems that whoever used compulsion on him went as far as altering his memory so that every moment of his day was accounted for. He has no recollection of speaking with anyone out of the ordinary or having any plans that evening that he took Lissa to the edge of the wards."

"Wow, you guys really have covered all of the bases. How long have I been in here?"

"Two and a half days," said Eddie.

_He's been sleeping here Rose. He has been so worried about you. It's Mason, isn't it?_

I raised my head a little bit.

_Oh poor Eddie._

"Eddie, thank you. You really are a great friend. Anybody who cannot see that obviously needs glasses. Thick ones."

Eddie cracked a smile. "I'm nothing compared to the Great Rose Hathaway."

"No, Eddie, you are more. Thank you for being here when I woke up and making sure I was ok. I am sorry that I made you worry for three days."

"Well, don't do it again."

"Ok," I said. He stood up, squeezed my hand and left.

After he was gone, Lissa said, "It's really too bad you guys didn't get together. You would have made a perfect couple."

"You know, you keep saying that, but I think it wouldn't work. He would probably find out how high maintenance I am and walk away."

"It didn't faze Dimitri." I could tell she instantly regretted her words. I felt tears form behind my eyelids and I took a deep breath.

"Don't Lissa. It's ok. I can't keep tiptoeing around him forever. I should probably just confront him, but I am not ready to talk to him quite yet. If I tried, I would just start crying, and I can't do that right now. I have to stay focused on who is trying to get you killed.

"One thing is for sure, though. Right now, I could probably eat an entire buffalo and still be hungry. Has anyone thought to bring some food up here to stash until I woke up? Seriously!" I said when she started laughing.

"Well, I thought you would never ask," she said, still laughing. From her purse, she produced a white paper bag, which, once unfolded, yielded two chocolate glazed doughnuts. Thank God.

"Did Adrian heal you?" I asked between bites.

"Yes," she said solemnly. "He probably needs to lay off the healing for a while. His aura was all out of whack afterward."

"I know. He was not fully recovered from… from healing me. Earlier."

"We need to talk, Rose. It's eating you from the inside out."

"It would be too horrible for me to start from the beginning, so why don't you tell me what you want to know."

"How are you doing with him being around here with Tasha?"

"Actually, I have made a point not to see them together."

"How have trainings been going with Alex?" I knew she meant 'how was I doing, not training with Dimitri anymore.'

"Well, not so bad anymore. He caught on to my half-assed ways, though. _That _was annoying. He brought Dimitri in to demonstrate my capabilities. He had me practice with him first, though. I naturally handed him his ass. But then, while I was sparring with Dimitri, I got pulled into your head. That's how.. I knew you… you were…"

"It's ok Rose, I'm here now. So are you-

"No! It's not ok. He should have been there with you! He is your guardian! He should have been there to protect you! Not make me run laps and get me to spar the way he wanted me to!" I felt the darkness stir. I quickly clamped my mouth shut. I took a huge breath and shoved it away.

"That was the darkness, wasn't it," Lissa said. "I've never seen it come into your aura like that." She waited a moment before continuing. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," I said with my eyes shut. "Yeah."

"Did Dimitri ever try to explain why he left?"

I thought long and hard about that one. Slowly, I recalled the moment we had together after Dr. Olendski's office. Right before he kissed me.

"I think he tried to explain once. I was too pissed and I didn't know how to feel. It was after we got back from the trip to Missoula. He said something, but I can't remember what it was about."

"I think it is time you talked to him. You have been avoiding him ever since we saw him in the mall. I think he really wants to talk to you, but he wants to give you time. I don't know what for, but he seems to be trying to respect the boundaries you established."

Knowing him as well as I do, he probably blames himself for everything bad that has happened to me since he left.

"Are you trying to use compulsion on me?" I was suspicious of having thoughts of forgiving him –or at least hearing him out- after all this time I have been putting into avoiding him.

"No, that thing you are feeling is called 'human being.' We all catch it from time to time, and sometimes we act on it. If you are thinking of at least hearing him out, I think it would be good for both of you. I know you still love him. I see it on your face and in your aura every time we talk about him or whenever you see him. He still loves you too, probably more than you could imagine. It is almost overpowering to see that much color around one person."

"What about Tasha?"

"I don't know. I haven't really been around her enough to notice her aura," Lissa said quietly. I glanced into her head; she was telling the truth, but something was bothering her about it. She wasn't about to let me see what was wrong, however. Every time I want to look, the thought was elusive. I let it go for now. I don't think I was ready to deal with whatever she was thinking about.

"Well," she said, unaware of my probing, "anyway, you still need to talk to him. Or at least let him do the talking, Rose."

"Alright, I know. I know."

**A/N Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Also, I don't think I do this enough: thank you to everyone who read my story! I love seeing that people actually read what I write! I know, same old song and dance, but it truly means a lot to know that. **

**I always listen to music when I write. This time, I went for something new and listened to My Chemical Romance's album, Danger Days. I really like this band, and I had never heard the album before. Did the tone of the chapter sound different? I personally think that the genre of music influences the tone of the chapter. So, where I was going with this was, do any of you guys listen to music when you write? If so, what do you listen to?**

**Please review! Share thoughts, concerns, randomness. Did you like it? Hate it? Neither? Both? PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Thanks Bunches!**

**-Love DimitriAndRoza Belikov**


	29. Chapter 29

**A tad bit of language in this chapter, but really, nothing horrible.**

I was discharged from Dr. Olendski's office the next morning with threats of bed rest if I was caught practicing at any point before twenty four hours from now. That was fine by me.

It was Saturday, so that meant my friends would be out of classes as well as the rest of the student body. Needless to say, news of the Strigoi attack spread like wildfire, as did many versions of my defense of Lissa. The term 'blood whore' roared around for a little while, but all of that was shadowed by the excitement of upcoming field experience. I was a little bit less excited for this. Yes, we spent our whole lives training for this moment, but in a way, this moment had already come and gone for me. I already saved Lissa from Strigoi. Twice. I had been captured and came out alive at the end of it. One of my best friends had been torn from me. I had a zvezda mark and eight _molnija _marks already and I was awaiting my ninth _molnja_ mark from the last Strigoi I killed. These 'field experience' exercises seemed a little childish, all things considered.

I was on my way to find out how Adrian was doing and to ask Christian a few questions of my own when I tuned back in to reality.

"-Belikov is going to be doing field experience! Since the Strigoi attacks kept him and Ozera here, Alberta asked him to return temporarily to help with the field experience."

"He is so hot," said the second girl dreamily. "I wish he were staying. I wouldn't mind watching that Russian in action a little longer."

It literally was just one thing after another. I couldn't even have a near-death experience without something drastic happening. Maybe if I jumped out of the third story window I could shit rainbows after I healed. It couldn't just be enough for them to be quarantined here; he just _had _to be involved.

I found that I was making my way to Christian's room, so I just rolled with it.

As I got to the door and raised my hand to knock, I hesitated. I was wondering if I was approaching this the right way.

The door opened after a second.

"Hello, little dhampir. What a pleasant surprise," said Adrian, stepping aside for me to enter.

"Hey Adrian. How are you?"

"I've been better. But the question is, would you rather be a little under the weather or see all of your friends either dying or dead. So, if you asked me _that _question, I would pick the latter in a heartbeat. As for our friend Christian, he is taking things very hard. He almost lost both you and Lissa, and he can't remember why."

"Why are you here Adrian?" I asked.

"I was trying a new spirit trick. I think I can figure out a way to undo the memory block with my magic, but so far, there has been no luck."

"Rose! What are you doing here? I mean, I- I'm sorry! I don't remember! I never would have hurt her! I never would have hurt you! Please!"

"CHRISTIAN! I believe you," I said grabbing his shoulders and forcing him to look into my eyes. He was a full foot and a few inches taller than me, but I demanded his attention.

"She hates me," he said.

"No Christian. She loves you very much. It is hurting her for you to be so distant from her. She just wants to tell you it will be ok."

"You hate me," he choked out.

"No I don't. I think that whoever did this wanted to make you feel that way. I don't hate you Christian, and neither does Lissa or anyone else. We just want to help."

"Ok," he said, defeated.

"If I had to go through hell and back for the last month, then you can pull it together and see that we love you."

"What sort of hell?"

Fuck.

"The worst kind," I said starting to tear up again. "For fuck's sake! I am tired of crying all the time! And being depressed and angry and confused and about eleven different kinds of pissed off! I just want to have a normal life of killing Strigoi and protecting Lissa! Is that _really _too much to ask?!"

"Rose? What are you doing here? I thought you were going to be with Lissa today," said Eddie, walking through the door with a bag full of food.

"Oh, Christian won't need that. He is not going to hole up in his room any more. He is going to go out and socialize and be merry, dammit. Come on."

"Rose, what happened to you?" asked Christian. I had his full attention as well as Eddie's now. Great.

I glanced at Adrian who was staring at me as well. His eyes said it all: it was time.

"Where could I even begin?" I said, truly struggling with it. I didn't know what to say to them. It sounded so simple in my head, but out loud, it sounded corny. I loved Dimitri, he left me, and now I had to pick up the pieces. It was even more awkward because the person he was guarding was related to my best friend's boyfriend. Yeah, not at all complicated or cliché at all.

"How about with what happened to you a few weeks ago, when you completely shut everyone out," suggested Christian.

"You make that sound so simple. I wish I could have shut everyone out. It seemed that everyone was watching me. All the time."

"Don't dodge the question. What happened?"

"Someone who was very… important.. to me decided to leave. I was completely alone with myself and I had to pick up the pieces."

"But the only person who left the academy was…" said Christian.

"Guardian Belikov," Eddie finished for him.

"I know he was your mentor Rose, but isn't that a little intense? To be so upset that your mentor left?" asked Christian. Eddie had already figured it out. I think he was too stunned to speak.

"Not just my mentor."

And then he understood. Halle-fucking-lujah. I think this was the first time I'd ever rendered him speechless.

"For how long Rose?" asked Eddie, sitting down.

"Well, since around the Equinox dance." I wasn't about to tell them about the lust charm. "More into the beginning of the ski trip."

"And it was serious?" Christian asked, rejoining the conversation.

"I thought it was. We were talking about a way to make it work after I graduated. We almost had it figured out. I was going to be Lissa's guardian and he was going to ask to be assigned to someone at court. And then he.. just… left." I was holding back tears and they all knew it. Eddie and Christian were shifting uncomfortably in their chairs, but Adrian had moved closer, putting his hand on my arm. It was comforting to know he was there for me. I leaned bit closer to him and steeled myself to continue.

"After we got back from the ski trip," Eddie's face twisted, hearing my unspoken words, "he told me that he knew it was wrong to love me. That we couldn't be together because of things like age and that we were both guardians, but mainly because we had to focus on guarding Lissa if we were going to work together someday; but then he kissed me. It was from that point on that I knew we were going to make it work.

"And then, when he almost died in that cave… when I went back to save him… we realized how short life could be. Those Strigoi were on top of him. They had him _pinned_ Christian. Do you have any idea how horrible the situation would have been for a Strigoi to _pin_ Dimitri Belikov to the ground? He was so close to being taken from me ten feet in front of my eyes. I couldn't have lived with not making the run back into the cave.

"So after that, we decided to stop ignoring each other after I graduated and let the public think what they wanted. Like I said, he was going to be reassigned and I was going to be Lissa's guardian. We were going to make it work." I was crying now. Again.

Eddie was the first to speak, "Why did he leave?"

"I don't know. I haven't really spoken to him."

"Why not?"

"Do you want to know how I found out he was gone? He left me a note to read. There was no goodbye or explanation. It was just 'I think you could do without the distraction, have a good life, maybe we will meet again. Oh and by the way, my replacement should be there in a few days.' So, not only did I not get to grieve over losing him, I had to be normal for the general public and Alberta, who was ready to all but send me to boot camp to make me keep training if I didn't practice with the new guardian that was sent in as his replacement. Not to mention that I got to pick up the pieces by myself and shove them back together and now here he is. In one piece, parading around the place, dropping in on my private sessions. Do you need me to go on? That was only just the beginning of that answer."

"No, I get it. That is really awful Rose. Why didn't you tell us?" An awkward silence filled the room. "Perhaps the right question would be 'who already new?'."

"Just Adrian and Lissa. Adrian actually figured it out. I didn't really ever tell him."

"So you went through all that, and you never thought to tell us what was going on?" asked Christian who seemed to have found his voice. Eddie was silent once more with a stormy look transforming his face. Great.

"I didn't know what to think."

"I think you are right. If you can go through hell like that, I can go talk to Lissa."

"Christian, just do me one favor," I said, catching his eye, "never, never, _ever_ make Lissa a promise you aren't going to keep."

**A/N So! What did you think about that? Do you think it was the right time for Rose to tell Eddie and Christian about her and Dimitri? Was that how you expected them to react? Do you think it is time for her to talk to Dimitri and hear him out or at least try to explain why he left? What about the Strigoi? Who do you think is working with them? So many questions! What do you guys think of my story so far? I know it has been really dark lately, but just bear with me :). **


	30. Chapter 30

Thankfully, the next few days passed without incident. Christian spoke with Lissa and they were in the process of working it out. Christian was still convinced that Lissa was really pissed at him and that she was just going to up and leave him, but he was with her most days, telling her he loved her and that he was sorry. Lissa felt bad for him, but she was starting to get a bit annoyed with his constant worrying. She had assured him countless times that she loved him and that she wasn't mad.

It was also clear to her that Christian had been under compulsion. Strong compulsion. He couldn't even remember what he had eaten for breakfast the morning of the attack. His aura grew extremely unstable when he was asked to remember any details about that day, and then he went into complete shutdown mode.

Both Lissa and Adrian had tried to break through to him by trying a new spirit exercise. It allowed them to enter the minds of others and read what was there, but every time they tried it on him, Lissa would instantly get a migraine and Adrian would have to go smoke a whole pack of cigarettes in order to calm down and get his mind back on track.

Someone had tampered with his memory and did a really good job covering up their tracks.

In the meantime, I had quit practices with Alex altogether. I was angry that while I was being forced to run laps and have Dimitri and Tasha sit in on my lesson, his charge had been attacked and almost killed by a Strigoi. That was just unforgivable. Lissa said I wasn't being fair and that Alex was just doing his job and training me; she said nobody expected her to go off and find a Strigoi, so they didn't think to have a guardian with her. I didn't care about that. I cared that I had almost lost my best friend.

Eddie agreed to practice with me in the mornings and afternoons, just so I didn't have to practice with Alex. I guess that went over ok enough with Alberta because I was never questioned about it. I think she was more concerned about keeping me focused and excelling right now than who I was practicing with. That and she had probably spoken to Alex about what had happened with Lissa and drawn her own conclusions about me. But, I digress.

Eddie had hardly said three words to me after I told him and Christian about Dimitri and me. It wasn't until two days later that he finally told me why he was upset.

"Rose, it's not that I am angry with you; I get why you kept it from us, but I still wish you would have told me sooner. I hated knowing that you were in so much pain and I couldn't even do anything about it. Now I know why you were upset, and it makes me even angrier.

"I am also not very happy with Belikov. If he was the man lucky enough to catch the heart of Rosemarie Hathaway, how dare he just throw it away? I feel like an older brother to you sometimes, and this was one time where I felt even more so responsible because I couldn't do anything. I feel like I failed you."

"Oh, Eddie. It wasn't your fault. You are a great friend. If it was anyone's fault that you feel so badly, it was mine. I should have told you sooner, but I just couldn't. I'm sorry."

He stayed silent. I was worried that I had said something to upset him even further.

Finally, he broke the silence. "What are you going to do about practices? Even I know that Alberta was on your ass about staying on your training schedule, and you haven't been to a practice in three days."

"I don't know," I admitted. "I might have to go beg mercy or something. I will NOT practice with Alex again, and Dimitri doesn't have a position at the academy anymore, among other problems I am having with him at the moment… I honestly don't know what to do about it."

"Do you think she would let you practice with another novice? If you said that you wanted to practice with another novice for mutual gain, do you think she would let you?"

"Maybe. But then again, I don't really care what she thinks anymore. I think she's figured out by now that my time with Alex is over."

"What if you get assigned to Lissa and Alex is still her guardian?"

"So what? At least I wouldn't be his 'student' anymore. I honestly think it was a prestige thing for him. Anyone who was paying attention could have seen that I wasn't really trying. And then for him to meet _Dimitri Belikov_… it's a wonder he didn't shit his pants."

Eddie outright laughed at that. It was nice to hear.

"Rose," he said after a few moments, "why does everything have to be so complicated? Why can't we go back in time and just be normal teenagers… well, as normal as training to kill Strigoi you whole life would be."

"Because if life were easy, there would be nothing to work for, be it higher grades or a personal goal or… even love, I guess." I sighed. "I know I have to talk to him, but I don't know how. I feel like I've made it super awkward for us. And what if he really _does_ love Tasha? I just… I don't know what the right thing is to do right now."

"Well, the Rose I know wouldn't hesitate to tell someone how she was feeling, especially if the situation was complicated. She would have gotten it all out in the open."  
"You know, Dimitri and my relationship has never actually _been_ out in the open."

"Stop trying to use Rose logic. Just go do what your heart is telling you. If it is telling you that you need to go clear the air with him, then go do it. End of discussion."

I knew he was right. I knew I needed to go talk to him; it was just that I had pushed him away for so long. Yes, he was the one who left, but now that I thought back on it, it seems that he said there was a reason.

"Thank you Eddie. I really am sorry for not telling you sooner."

"I understand why you didn't. It's ok. But if you get back together with Belikov, God help that man if he ever hurts you again."

**A/N So, how did you guys like Rose's little talk with Eddie? I read someone's review who didn't think that Eddie would be mad. I just wanted to be clear that Eddie wasn't mad at Rose or even that Rose had been together with Dimitri. He was angry that Dimitri hurt Rose and he was mad at himself that he couldn't do anything for Rose right after Dimitri left because he didn't know what was wrong. This will NOT be a Rose/Eddie fic, but I have always thought of Eddie as Rose's older brother. **

**I don't know. What did you guys think? Love it? Hate it? Both? Neither? ANYTHING?**

**Thank you guys for reading and hopefully reviewing! Have a fantabulous day!**

**-Love DimitriAndRoza Belikov**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N An Author's Note before the chapter? OMG! I know!**

**I just wanted to thank you guys for getting me up and over 100 reviews and over 30,000 views! Thank you!**

**Special thanks to BethIsMyName for being the 100****th**** review!**

**You guys really make my day! Thank you for reading!**

**And without further ado, here is Chapter 31!**

That night, I had to come up with a plan. How was I going to talk to Dimitri? I couldn't very well just walk up to him and say 'hey, we gotta talk.' Things were so much more complicated than that, and it was almost all his fault, but it was my fault too. Every time he tried talking to me, I found a way to avoid him… except for that first time. That was all him. I mean, kissing me after the shit he put me through? Yeah, I was NOT going to take responsibility for that one.

For the first time in my life, I was truly nervous about something. Ugh.

I guess all I could do was sleep on it and hope things just flowed naturally when the time came.

That Saturday was the day that Eddie and I decided to pick up practice again. We had just gotten through the warm-ups when fate walked through the door.

Dimitri.

"It's now or never Rose. I'll see you later." With that, Eddie walked out of the gym, passing Dimitri on the way out. I had no idea what look was on Eddie's face, but I could see Dimitri's answering emotion: guilt. My guess would be that Eddie probably nailed him with a look that said 'if you hurt her, you will be missing your balls in the morning.'

Dimitri turned his gaze on me; those beautiful chocolate eyes seemed to be staring right into my soul. I had to remember what I was going to say to him. I was so happy to see him, yet I was extremely upset and still hurt over him leaving and who he left to be with.

"Hi," I said really awkwardly. Jeez.

"Hi," he said.

"I think it is time that we talk."

"I agree," he said.

I didn't know what to say after that. Eddie may have been right. Maybe I just needed to get everything out in the open.

I took a deep breath and asked him the question I had been turning over in my head for the past four and a half weeks, "Why did you leave me?"

His face crumpled the second the words left my mouth.

"I didn't have a choice. I wanted to protect you and the princess. They only way that was going to happen was if I stopped training with you, talking to you, _being_ with you. I didn't want to be responsible for something happening to you if I could have prevented it."

What?

"What are you talking about? Who ever said I was in danger? And when have I _ever_ not been able to take care of myself? You are not making any sense Dimitri." I took another huge breath to keep myself from screaming at him.

"That day," I knew which one he was talking about: the one when I found that wretched note in my room. "That day," he tried again, "after we were done with morning practice, I went back to my room. There was nothing out of the ordinary whenever I went to get in the shower, but when I got out, there was an envelope on my pillow. It was addressed to _Mr. Belikov_. I made sure that whoever put the note there was no longer in my room and then I opened it."

He produced something from his pocket; it looked like it had been through hell, all beat up and wrinkled, but I suspected that Dimitri had held on to it for a reason. I was about to find out his reason.

He held it out to me. "Please read it," he said, his expression pleading.

I took it and unfolded it.

_Dimitri Belikov,_

_ You may not quite remember who I am, but let's just say that one of your charges was a nephew of mine. Said charge had been murdered during your employment to him and you were not there to protect him. You see, he chose you not only because you were his friend, but because you graduated top of your class. You had so much promise Mr. Belikov. You see, if you had been there, Ivan would still be alive. You were his number one choice as a guardian, and his family had no trouble accepting that. We were so sure that he would be safe with you, but now, seeing that he is no longer alive, we know that was not the case. _

_ Pardon me, I almost forgot the reason why I was writing. I thought it would only be fair if I were to warn you before I acted. I want you to feel the grief, the loss, the horrible feeling of being helpless, just like I did. Just like Ivan's whole family did when we heard he was murdered._

_ Perhaps you have already suffered enough with the loss of your 'best friend,' so that is why I will give you a choice in what is to come. I have seen you with that dhampir girl, the one with long hair and tanned skin. The one whom you were in a relationship with whenever she was only seventeen. The one you have trainings with every morning and night. The one whom you steal kisses from every now and again whenever you think nobody is watching. Her name is Rosemarie Hathaway._

_ If you do not give her up, I will make sure that she dies. It will not be a quick death either. It will be slow and painful. I can and will make arrangements for her to be kept alive as long as possible and drag it out. And keep in mind, even if I have her, it does not mean that her friends are safe as well. Think of poor Vasilisa Dragomir and her boyfriend. Think of Eddie Castile. Might I put him through the same thing Mr. Ashford was subjected to? _

_ However, there is an alternative. If you cut off contact with her, her and her friends will be safe. There will be no torture or death, granted you manage not to piss me off any more than you already have. You have about twenty four hours to decide what you are going to do. _

_ Oh! I almost forgot. If you breathe a word of this to anyone, and I do mean _anyone_, all of this will be a moot point. I will not honor my words written above and I will kill her anyway. You will watch her die if it comes to that._

_Please, choose wisely. I will be watching._

_ -A. Zeklos_

I sat there, stunned, whenever I got to the end of it. Was there really someone out to get me? To _kill _me? And who the hell was _A. Zeklos_?

"Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you." Thankfully, we had migrated to one of the rooms in the back of the building where the dressing rooms were. It was a room for seasonal training equipment, so it was not likely that we would be bothered in here.

"I didn't want you to get hurt. I didn't want to take any chances with you. I didn't want to take any chances with the princess's life or any of your friends. I just… I wanted to protect you." I could hear the words he was holding back. He was afraid to say what he was really thinking. I didn't fault him for it either. I wasn't sure if I could handle hearing it.

"Please Rose, stop ignoring me. I want you to know how sorry I am. I can't say that I take back my decision to leave, but I regret just leaving you. Just.. leaving without saying goodbye or telling you that no matter what, I still love you. But I didn't. I just…. left."

"Do you understand how hard it has been for me?" I asked, trying to keep my composure. "To wake up every morning and know you weren't going to be in the back of my classes. To know that you were no longer going to be my mentor. To have to act normal in front of the entire school because we weren't supposed to be together in the first place?! To have to keep secrets from my friends and privately fall apart every time I had to tell them I was fine? To have the school try and _replace _you!? Do you have _any _idea what I have had to keep inside, locked away, because it could damage the both of us if I said it?! To have you walk away from me regardless of the reason?!"

I_ was_ screaming at him now. I was also on the verge of tears.

"Roza-"

"Are you together with Tasha?"

"I have to be for right now. I have to make it look like I am so whoever is watching sees it."

"Then don't call me Roza." He closed his eyes for a moment, pinching them together.

"Please." He begged. "I know I hurt you. I know it is going to take a lot to show you how sorry I am. I had to go though, Roz- Rose. I just wish I had said something before I left. I never meant for you to feel that I abandoned you, but I couldn't have you acting like I was going to come back one day. Whoever was watching would have noticed. It would not have ended well, and I would not have been here to protect you after I told you. Believe me, I thought about it extensively. I didn't want to lose you, but I didn't want to see you get hurt even more."

"Will you let me help you? This cannot go on forever, and whoever is threatening you has got to be here, or at least has someone close to them here," I said, trying to stifle any sort of outburst I was about to have. If he kept going on like this, I was going to cry. Of course I wanted to forgive him, but after the events of this last month, hearing him plead with me made me want to forgive him, but the anger I was feeling was laying right on top of that need to forgive him. Call it pride or even ego, but I couldn't forgive him and explode at him at the same time.

"Roza," he said softly. That was all it took.

I was crying and screaming at him uncontrollably, "Don't CALL me that! I am not your Roza! You LEFT me! Why would you do that?! I LOVED YOU! And you LEFT and went to HER! I almost DIED because of her! I thought you were just messing with me, letting me think you actually cared for me, and then just LEAVING! Nothing but a fucking NOTE to tell me you were gone. You have NO IDEA what you put me through!" I was beating his chest and sobbing incoherently after that. And through it all, he held me. He held me close as if to keep me safe from the world while I lost it.

Maybe I wasn't being completely fair to him; after all, he left to protect me and my friends, but there was a part of me that couldn't believe that he wouldn't at least let me know something was going on. All I knew was that one day, he says he loves me and the next day, he is leaving me for the 'greater good.'

"Roza, I am so sorry. I made a mistake." He pulled me back to look into my eyes. My tears were slowing, but he kept gently sweeping his thumb across my cheeks, wiping them from my face. "But please understand that while I was gone, I realized that you are it for me. You are my whole world, Rose. I love you more than I ever thought it possible to love anyone. I do not love Tasha. She is a childhood friend. I know she wants there to be an 'us' between me and her, but I could never do that. She is not you. You are you Rose, and I love you for it." He made sure he had my attention before he continued. "Please, let me have a second chance. I will not fail you again."

By the time he was done speaking, the tears had almost stopped. I was still gasping for breath as I tried to regain control of my body. I couldn't speak. All I could do was hug him. I buried my face in his chest once again and focused on breathing. Once I got myself together, I gave him my answer.

"I love you too Dimitri. I love you so much." I pulled back from him.

"I want us to be together. But I have to know that you are not going to leave me like that again. I refuse to have a repeat experience of this past month. I won't do it again. Ever. I have to know that no matter what, you will at least let me know there is something going on next time. Hopefully there _is _no next time. But please Dimitri, _please_, promise me that you will _never_ put me through that again."

It may have sounded small and petty to some people, but to me, this was the most important thing he could have promised me. It was not just that I never wanted him to leave me –I wasn't that clingy- but I had to know that he wouldn't just walk away again without some sort of preface as to why.

"Oh, my beautiful Roza, I promise. I promise with all of my heart and soul. I promise."

And with that, he kissed me. It started out gentle, but it very quickly melted into something else entirely. It was almost as if we needed each other to survive. He left me gasping for air when he pulled away. He sounded a little oxygen deprived himself. He tried to look into my eyes again, but I shut them before he had the chance.

"Roza, please open your eyes."

I turned my head to the side and opened them.

"Please look at me."

"My face is not in peak condition right now, so I would really like you to not look at it."

He placed his palms on either side of my face and tilted my head toward him. His eyes were almost too much to look at; they held more love and emotion than I have ever seen before.

"You could never be less than perfect to me, Roza. Never hide those beautiful eyes from me. I love them too much for that nonsense," he said as he smiled at me. It was a soft smile that met his eyes. I loved it.

"I love you comrade." His breath hitched a bit as I said that. I realized that I hadn't used his old nickname in a very long time.

"I love you too my beautiful, beautiful Rose," he said as he leaned down to kiss me again.

I knew that this was a checkpoint for us. We were going to be in this together; if someone wanted to blackmail Dimitri, I was going to be beside him every single step of the way. He was mine, and I would be damned if anyone was going to tell me otherwise.

**A/N Ok, you guys, here is the next chapter! I had to make myself write this one. It was SO hard for me to keep them both in character, so if it seems a little OOC, I am REALLY sorry! I tried! As most of you could probably tell, I put off this chapter for a long time. I just didn't know how to bring them together again. I was tired of Tasha always ruining the moment, so I knew I wanted their conversation to be totally private. These characters truly have minds of their own! I had something completely different planned for this chapter, but when I sat down to write, this 2,575 word chapter just came out. I am sorry about the delay, but I really didn't know how things were going to work out between them. I am just glad that my typing took them to a spot where they can at least work on things!**

**Anyways, enough of my blathering. PLEASE review and tell me how you liked it or hated it or felt that it needed more or less or what! I WANT TO KNOW! Thank you for reading you guys!**

**-Love DimitriAndRoza Belikov**


	32. Chapter 32

After that morning in the equipment closet with Dimitri, my outlook on life began to shift. He told me he loved me. He said that I was it for him.

He also said that he had to be with Tasha publically right now. Obviously she was not aware of the note, so she wouldn't know that Dimitri was putting on an act… right? I guess my main question was what was happening behind closed doors with them. I was not sure I wanted to know the answer. I decided that I would have to ask him this question when I was sure I was not going to explode again. I usually was not the jealous type, but Tasha was seriously pissing me off.

I needed to graduate already.

Speaking of, field experience was coming up. Dimitri was going to participate in it, or so I'd heard. I think we were supposed to get our assignments tomorrow. As I said before, this all seemed a bit childish to me. I had already been through and seen so much; this was just a bunch of guardians playing pretend.

I wasn't really sure of where to go. My whole morning was going to be devoted to being the best teacher I could be. Eddie was already more than capable of fighting, but in order to not catch flak from Alberta, I would have to look like the teacher. I really did not want to practice with Alex ever again, so I kind of needed this arrangement with Eddie to look legit.

I checked in with Lissa and she was with Christian. I put up a few barriers to spare myself and ventured toward the cafeteria.

"Little dhampir. Where are you off to on this fine morning?" said Adrian, coming up from behind me.

"Nowhere in particular. How about yourself?"

"I was just on my way to the feeders. It seems as though you are thinking about something important. Care to share?"

I was going to guess he was reading my aura.

"You could probably guess," I said. I wasn't sure how to say something without sounding like a brooding schoolgirl.

"Does it have something to do with Belikov?"

"Most likely."

"Rose," he sighed, exasperated.

"Ok, fine. Yes."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, we haven't really hashed out all of the details yet, but at least we are on speaking terms," I said. I couldn't say more than that without worrying that whoever was blackmailing Dimitri would find out.

"That's good to hear Rose. I know you've been to Hell and back these past few weeks. It will be good for you to finally have some… closure."

"I know. I feel better having talked to him. I don't know where we'll go from this point."

"The only thing you can be sure of is yourself. Never ever forget that."

We had entered the feeder room at this point. I was on my way to sit in the waiting area, but I caught sight of someone outside. They were standing in the quad, but they were mostly concealed by the trees. They wore all dark colors, but their head was angled as if they were speaking to someone who was taller than them. I cracked the window open to see if I could hear anything, but all I heard was the wind. They were too far away.

It wasn't weird that there were people out and about, but what struck me as odd was that they were trying to not be seen. If it weren't for my dhampir vision and the paranoia I found I had, I would never have seen them.

"Little dhampir? What's wrong?"

I think I jumped a foot in the air.

"Nothing."

"Rose-"

"Are you already done? That was fast," I said trying to change the subject.

"There is a line. Don't change the subject."

"Adrian, I can't tell you here. But let me ask you something; do you see that?" I pointed out the window into the trees. I could just faintly make out an outline of someone.

"Call me crazy, but yes, I do see that mysterious-looking person out in the middle of the trees. They are talking to someone. I can see their head tilted up, so whoever they are talking to must be taller than they are."

"Can you hear them?" I asked, motioning to the open window.

He cocked his head for a moment. "No."

"I have a feeling that is one of my prime suspects out there," I turned back to the window only to discover that my person in black had vanished. Damn.

"Mr. Ivashkov, we're ready for you," announced one of the coordinators. Adrian turned to her and flashed his carefree smile at her, "I'll be right there."

"I expect we are going to have a conversation in the near future, are we not, Miss Hathaway?"

"I think the time has come."

"One thing that I think about every day is that I never knew what I was getting myself into when I introduced myself to you that day at the ski resort. My following thought is that I cannot imagine what my life would be like without someone like you there to always pull me out of the dark. You are really one of the best friends I have ever had, and I am thankful for it every day. Whatever it is Rose, I will be there to help you every step of the way."

"Thank you Adrian," I said. I didn't really know what to say to that. It seemed that when I needed someone to pull me out of my funk, Adrian was there. He was one of my best friends. It's a wonder he stuck around after all of the trouble I constantly got into.

Now all I had to do was sit back and wait for him to finish with the feeder. In the meantime, I would have to draft some sort of a plan to find out who I was looking for.

[I could be mean and end it here, but it has taken me so long to update that I will carry on :)]

###

Later that day, we caught up with Lissa, Eddie and Christian. I knew I couldn't keep this thing a secret from everyone, and I was going to need help if I was going to catch whoever was trying to kill Lissa and me and make Dimitri's life hell. I also talked it over with Dimitri who agreed that if anything was going to get done we would need help. He also agreed that in order to effectively produce a plan, we needed to keep this between the six of us.

We decided to meet with them in the wreck room. It was loud enough in there that nobody would overhear us, and everyone was absorbed in their own groups, making it easier for us to blend in. Dimitri took up a position close to our table. He was in earshot of us, but not close enough to look suspicious.

"What's this all about Rose? What's going on?" Lissa asked once we were seated.

"I have something to run by all of you. You have to promise to keep it a secret though." Understandably, Lissa and Christian looked confused, but they agreed. Eddie's composure didn't crack, which didn't surprise me, but it was a nice change to see. Adrian also remained untouched by my words. As he said before, he had come to expect the strangest when it came to me.

"Ok." I took a deep breath. "I literally cannot stress the importance of keeping what I am about to say to yourselves. Don't tell any guardians, don't tell relatives, girlfriends, what-have-you. Please.

"I spoke with Dimitri the other day. I asked him the reason he left," I was trying not to choke. I still couldn't talk about it with a straight face. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dimitri shift. "Dimitri told me that he left because someone threatened my life. They actually threatened all of our lives. He mentioned everyone here by name, well, except for Adrian, but I wouldn't put anything past them. He knew about us, like personally. He knew about Mason." This time I did choke. I cleared my throat.

"Whoever it was left all of this in a note. This note was then delivered to Dimitri. Dimitri left me because of it, and I want to make the bastard pay. He cannot get away with something like this. I am tired of people trying to rip my life apart; going after my friends was the last straw."

"You keep saying 'he.' Who is 'he'?" asked Eddie.

"The name that was signed at the bottom of the letter was _A. Zeklos._"

"Zeklos. Why Zeklos?" asked Christian.

"To make a long story short, Ivan Zeklos was a charge and best friend of Dimitri. Ivan was killed by Strigoi when Dimitri was off the clock, but this person wants Dimitri to suffer for Ivan's death."

"That's a little melodramatic, don't you think?" said Adrian.

"I didn't write the rules here, I am just relaying them. I'm not even supposed to be doing that, which is why you guys can't tell anyone about this. It's not just my life now, or I would go after this asshat myself. I thought you had the right to know that if I make a wrong move, anyone could be killed. I have to stay away from Dimitri and act like life is fine. Or just keep pretending like my life is still the mess Dimitri left me with. I don't know."

"We are here for you Rose," said Lissa.

I looked up. Everyone nodded in agreement. "Thanks you guys. I think we might actually have a chance at beating this creep if we work together. We will have to be discreet of course."

"So what is the first course of action?" asked Adrian

"I think we need to start by casing this joint. Tonight, I saw a couple of people standing in the trees, talking to one another. You would think that if one wanted to have a conversation with another person, they would do it somewhere where the temperature was above thirty degrees. They were wearing all dark colors and were standing so far in the trees that even I had a hard time seeing them. Then, just like that, they were gone.

"Whoever is doing this must be working from inside the academy. How else would they know about all of us? I think our first move needs to be under the radar. Watch people, notice things, but do it sparingly. If we are ever together, act natural. The top priority is to not get caught. If we do, then it could mean someone's life."

**A/N I literally have no excuse. My life kind of exploded over the last two months and working three jobs in retail does nothing for my sanity. I recently accrued some time off, so I thought I would write this while I could. Do you agree with bringing the gang in on it? I thought it might be for the best. What do you think? What should be their next course of action? Please PM me with any of these thoughts because I might use it in my story! I feel lemony. I think I might write something in about Dimitri and Rose, but I'm not sure. Anyways, please tell me what you thought! It really helps me out!**

**Thank you guys for reading! **

**-DimitriAndRoza Belikov**


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N I rewrote the end of this chapter. Please disregard the previous ending. If you remember from the last time I uploaded- which was ages ago, I know and I am sorry- It starts at the part where Dimitri finds Rose by the pond. **

It would suffice to say that I was restless in the days to follow. Waiting had never been one of my strong suits, but thankfully, Dimitri understood this. He would do his best to keep his honed guardian senses trained on any suspicious activity, but at the end of the day, there was not much that he had found. He knew it made me feel better and for that I was grateful.

What _was_ surprising was that Christian had continued to try and unlock the part of his mind that the attacker had locked away. He hadn't managed to remember the attacker per se, but that day was slowly coming back to him. It was a huge improvement for both him and Adrian. Although Adrian was supposed to be taking it easy, it did not come as a shock to anyone when we found out that he had still been helping Christian with his reverse-compulsion mission. I was scared that one of these days, Adrian was just going to lose it.

I think that when someone finally _did _find something out about our mastermind, I had been so long without any updated information that I almost didn't believe it.

Lissa caught up with me in the library one afternoon. I was scouring the books that traced the royal bloodlines. I knew it might have been a long shot, but A. Zeklos might have actually not been a false name at the bottom of that note.

"Rose, we have to talk."

I was out of my chair in one fluid movement and we were out the door. To any outsider looking in, we were just two normal teenagers taking a stroll on our lunch break. I hoped that whoever it was that was watching all of us had not caught on to our plan yet, so me and Lissa walking together alone hopefully wouldn't look funny.

"What's up Liss?" I asked trying to keep my facial expression neutralized.

"Well, today, I was late to class- and I mean like ten minutes late- and I was going to class and I overheard Tasha talking to someone. She obviously didn't think anyone would have been in the hall with her because classes had already started. I came to the corner right on the other side of where she was standing and she sounded frustrated. Listen."

And Just like that, I was sucked into her head_. _She was showing me what she had heard earlier._ 'I know, but _when_? You were supposed to hold up your side of it. Now what am I supposed to do? Let myself be used and let you get away with it?... I know they are still alive! Are you stupid? …I will speak to anyone any way I wish! This is my show, not yours and not anyone else's. Do you understand that? I promised it to you already, but I have to have a reciprocal partner, don't I!?... Perhaps it _isn't_ something you can help then, what with sending incompetent fools to do your work and holding up your so-called side of the bargain…. Do not contact me again until you figure yourself out._'

"Did you hear who she was talking to? Or was she on the phone? Wait. Did she catch you?"

"No, she didn't catch me. I snuck off before she hung up. I think she was on the phone because I could also hear another smaller voice, but I couldn't hear what it was saying."

"Lissa, you could have gotten caught! I mean, I'm glad we know more than we did, but there is no telling what she might have done to you!"

"Chill out Rose! I am fine. You need to calm down!"

She was right. The darkness was looming just on the edges of my consciousness and I think she knew it. It was acting up more and more lately and I was afraid of what would happen if I couldn't control it anymore. I heard what she was thinking, however. She was thinking that after the attack by that Strigoi outside the wards, I had been over imposing on her life. I wouldn't let her go near the wards and made her promise not to even think about taking any trips outside in the middle of the human night. I have also had a few sleepovers in her room just to be safe. I took a deep breath and sounded somewhat calm when I spoke next.

"Just, please Liss. If you ever are alone like that again, get somewhere that is full of people fast. I wouldn't put it past Tasha to have another set of eyes here. You just never know. And just so you know, I have reason to worry about you. If you had been my charge when you were attacked, do you think I would have gotten over it any quicker? No. I would have put your ass on lockdown until I figured out who was trying to kill you, so be grateful," I finished, still feeling irritated.

"I know. Hopefully we can solve this soon and go back to…"

"What? Go back to what? The way things used to be? What time was that? The time when Dimitri and I had to go sneaking around to just to see each other? Or the time when he _left_ me here and tore me to pieces? Or the time when the academy tried to replace him and I was forced to pull myself together? Or what about the time when I had to watch him and Tasha be together while I had to keep my mouth shut? And you know what? You get to be with Christian 24/7, no repercussions or threats that you will be killed if you let yourself love him! You get to hold him and kiss him whenever you want. Whenever you WANTED for that matter! You have always been able to do that! I AM NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ANY OF THAT BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS SUPPOSED TO BE FOCUSED ON _YOU_!

"So pick a time Liss, WHEN would you like to go back to? Because I GUARENTEE that whatever time you pick would involve a time where I wasn't so _controlling _over what you did after you had almost been killed. It might even be a time where you were spending your time with Christian instead of ME! Maybe if you had paid attention, you would have seen that my LIFE was falling apart!"

I was half mad with rage. I didn't notice how her face crumpled as I screamed at her. I didn't notice that she was trying to hold back tears. And, perhaps most importantly, I didn't notice her reaching for me. I was so angry that I couldn't think straight. After I noticed she was touching me, I wanted to tear her apart.

It never came to that though as a huge blast of spirit pulsed into me. I was instantly knocked back a few paces, staggering to stay upright. It felt as though someone had lifted a thousand pound weight off of me. We could have been standing there for hours, or days even, as I slowly realized what was happening. Lissa stood there staring at me, waiting for me to speak.

"Lissa.. I am so sorry. I.. I just.. I don't know what's _wrong_ with me."

She started to back away. "How could you say those things? I would NEVER say anything like that to you. You are supposed to be my _best friend_. How could you even think that I would wish those things for you? I KNOW how hard it has been for you to pretend you were ok. I have seen you go through hell. I just.. I never knew you thought those things. Don't ask me to forgive you right now Rose."

As she was walking away, I felt the bond shut off. I tried to reach out to her and open it again, but it was just blank and hollow, almost like I was reaching through a tunnel after her.

I was mortified that I had said any of that, darkness or not. She was one of the last people on this planet that I would ever wish anything horrible on, and I made her feel like the worst person ever. My next question, though, was _did I mean it?_ I think that those were all things I have thought about, but I didn't mean to make them sound like they were her fault.

Utterly disgusted with myself, I went for a walk. There was no way I could sanely sit around and think about what I had just done. I ended up sitting by the small pond that Jesse and his crew had tortured Lissa. I guess it was a gathering ground for idiots seeing as I ended up here.

I let myself finally think about everything that had been going on.

I thought about Dimitri leaving and made myself see it through his eyes. I hated to admit that I would probably have left him here too. I would have rather have kept him alive than chance being with him and get him killed. I remembered how hard I had been on him when we were alone together for the first time in weeks. I tried to _hurt _him.

This thought brought tears to my eyes. I tried to hurt the man I love because he was trying to protect me.

The tears spilled over.

I thought about how I tried to kill Tasha and felt anger. I knew a part of me wanted to chalk it up to the darkness, but another part of me wanted to confront her. That second part of me was _not_ the darkness. It was one hundred percent Rose. Of course I felt remorseful for trying to kill her, but a small part of me hated her for being with Dimitri. It hated her for almost getting me killed and acting without thinking. It hated her most of all for her getting in my head.

Angry, heavy breathing joined my tears.

Then, I thought about what I had just done to Lissa. I pretty much told her she was the reason for my life being in shambles. I told her that it was her fault that I couldn't be with Dimitri. I had blamed her for _everything_. I was such an _ass_. I finally started sobbing. I was glad that I was out in the middle of nowhere with no one to hear me.

I had been so horrible to everyone all because I was being selfish. They didn't deserve it.

Then I started to wonder how much of those accusations that I threw at Lissa came from me and not the darkness. I never thought outright that it was all her fault. I was jealous sometimes that she and Christian could be together so publically. I never fully blamed her for my situation though. It wasn't her fault that I fell in love with someone I wasn't supposed to have.

I was so wrapped up in myself that I didn't hear the footsteps coming toward me.

Dimitri sat down next to me and pulled me into his lap.

"I am so sorry Dimitri," I choked out.

"I don't follow Roza. What's wrong?"

"I have treated everyone so horribly! I tried to hurt you after you were only trying to protect me. I know now that you only left to protect me. I mean, I heard you say it before, but I only truly understood the horribleness of that ultimatum given to you. If it were reversed, I would have done the same thing. I would have much rather known you were alive rather than wondering if someone was going to take you and hurt you any second. I just… Oh Dimitri!" I sobbed.

He held me close, whispering Russian into my ear. I picked out the word 'love' but that was about it.

"There is nothing to forgive my beautiful Rose. I know why you were angry. I would have been angry too, had the situation been reversed." He paused and studied me. "There is something else."

He knew me well.

"I… said some things to Lissa that I regret. I hurt her. The darkness took over, yes, but that is not excuse. _I_ was still the one who said it. I can't talk about it right now." I was still crying, but I had more of a handle on myself.

"I am sure you two will work it out. Everything will turn out fine Roza. Please don't cry."

He lifted my face to his and began kissing my tears away. He trailed his kisses from my eyes down to my cheeks. He stopped just as he got to my mouth. I could feel his lips hovering just over mine. As soft as a caress, his lips came down on mine. It started out sweet, but he deepened it. I melted into him, feeling sheltered by his broad chest and his warm embrace. I felt so safe in his arms. I felt like I was home.

His hands trailed up my back and he pressed me closer to him, if that was even possible. I drank him in. I had been deprived of him for too long. I wasn't willing to hide us anymore. I was eighteen and I wasn't afraid of what people would say about us. I was ready to be with him forever. I never wanted to let go.

Apparently, Dimitri was thinking the same thing. He pulled away, breaking our kiss and leaving me feeling breathless.

"Roza, I'm tired of hiding my feelings for you. I love you. I felt what it was like to not have you, I mean, _really _not be able to have you, and I felt like something was missing. I couldn't sleep or concentrate or think about anything other than how I had just left you. After we find out who is blackmailing us, I would like to stop hiding. I no longer work here, you are about to graduate. I want to try and get assigned to someone at court still, that way I can be with you. You don't have to answer right away."

"There is one thing I that I think might influence my answer. Have you slept with Tasha? I mean, since you left? Have you been with her?"

The shock on his face was plain. Apparently he didn't expect me to ask him that. Either that was a good thing or a bad thing. Whichever one it was, I was about to find out.

"Oh Roza no. I love you too much to even risk losing you over such a stupid decision. We were friends when we were younger, but that was it. She wanted to take it farther then, but I was too focused on school and earning my promise mark. And when she came back and asked me to be her guardian, I had no intention of going. I could never be with anyone except you."

I could tell he was telling the truth. His face was pleading for me to believe him. He was afraid I was looking for something else to push him away. In all reality, I was speechless. I was used to the world of teenage boys, aka Jessie, who were ready to use and abuse every girl they came into contact with. I was not prepared for a man to profess his love for me.

He was starting to get nervous because I had yet to say anything.

"Yes," I said suddenly. "Dimitri Belikov why would I have to think about whether I wanted to have a future with you? I love you more than you could ever know."

"You got that wrong," he chuckled, relieved that I hadn't rejected him. "How did I get so lucky?" he asked quietly.

"I was going to say the same thing comrade."

He smiled down at me and pressed another kiss to my lips.

"Come," he said, "we need to get you inside. It's almost night time and I think you could use some rest."

He pulled me with him as he stood up, leaving no room for debate. We walked in silence to my dorm where he kissed my hand and bade me goodnight as I went through the door. I was asleep in seconds, momentarily forgetting about how horrible I felt about the way I had spoken to Lissa.

**A/N Hi guys, so listen. I decided that I hated the way my last chapter ended. I also forgot that you guys couldn't read my mind and didn't know that Dimitri and Tasha hadn't slept together. I was trying to imply that without having to say it, but I guess I didn't do such a hot job at it. Sorry. I re-wrote the ending of this one, nothing else changed, and please disregard the way the other version ended. I decided not to rush things along quite as much.**


	34. Chapter 34

I woke up in a panic. I had been dreaming that Tasha had Lissa.

"No, it's fine," I muttered to myself. "Lissa is fine. Why wouldn't she be?" I wasn't sure why I couldn't convince myself of that though.

_Why would Tasha have Lissa? _I thought to myself. Tasha was her boyfriend's aunt. Why was it so important that I keep Lissa away from her?

My confusion dissipated a bit when a new thought forced its way in my head. Tasha. I remembered now that I didn't tell Dimitri anything about her when we were talking last night. I was so wrapped up in my own shit that I failed the mantra.

_They come first they come first they come first theycomefirst theycomfirsttheycomefirsttheycomefirstthey-_

I needed to find Dimitri. I needed to tell him who we were dealing with. Whether Lissa was angry or not –and she definitely was- it was still my job to protect her.

I really needed to sort out my issues because now they were affecting her safety. I shoved those thoughts aside as I scrambled to get dressed. I threw on the first things that my hands touched. I ran out the door as I was shoving my hair into a ponytail. I had no idea where to start searching.

I knew going to his room right now was out of the question for two reasons. The first was that students were not allowed in the guardian's living quarters. The second was that it was midmorning and he was without a doubt up and at 'em already. It was a Saturday, so he wouldn't be monitoring any classes. I mean with what I've heard around campus, he might as well be as good as reemployed by now.

I didn't know for sure because I had been trying to keep my distance from him. I knew that we were still being watched. Based on Lissa's memory of Tasha, I wouldn't doubt that she was involved along with whoever her coconspirators were.

I shook my head as if I could dispel this thought for now. The more pressing question right now was why did this feel like déjà vu? Why did it feel like I had already thought these things and looked for Dimitri?

All of the sudden, Alex appeared by my side. I sped up a bit. I had a mission and I couldn't afford to get distracted by him.

"Rose! Wait, please! Let me talk to you!"

"What do you want?" I asked, walking even faster.

"I just wanted to say I am sorry about Lissa. I know you are taking it hard and you are blaming me. You have every right to-

"Wait. What are you talking about?" I _really _didn't like the way he was talking like something was wrong. I had a growing feeling of panic knotting in my stomach. Somehow I knew there was reason for this panic, but I wasn't sure why it was slithering down my spine at the moment.

"Rose, you were there. You were freaking out about it so much that they had to have someone administer a calming serum. I wasn't sure if you were going to be ok."

Calming serum? That didn't sound right… it had to have been something else. I remember a shocking pair of blue eyes and then nothing.

"Just spit it out! What are you talking about?!"

"Lissa!" he shouted at me. He was looking at me like I'd lost my mind. Maybe I had. I was sure starting to feel like it. "Someone took her! She's gone! What's wrong with you? Don't you remember anything from yesterday?"

I stopped moving and whipped around to face him. He almost plowed into me but stopped a few millimeters from my nose. My mind was cloudy as I tried to pull memories of this information forward. I tried to recall any thoughts or conversations forward. I started to form a headache the second I reached for it all.

Someone had wiped my memory. I couldn't remember anything. Oh. My. God. I tried to reach her through the bond but it was still shut off.

"Explain. Right now." I said in an even voice. It came out through gritted teeth. It seemed that my jaw had stopped functioning all together. I was feeling so many things right then. I could hardly tell which way was up from the emotional overload.

He looked a bit shell shocked.

"W-what.. Um what-

"Why don't you start by telling me what day it is," I said. Even I could hear the underlying threat in my voice. He had better start talking if he wanted to keep both balls attached to his body. Apparently he heard it too.

"Sunday. It's Sunday," he said, relieved to have an answer for my question.

"And what happened yesterday?"

"They assigned partners for field experience." He was starting to sweat now. I felt myself not getting any calmer. If anything, I was getting angrier, and he knew it.

"Who was my assignment?"

"Christian Ozera. You were a bit outraged that you didn't get Lissa." I could only imagine.

"And at what point yesterday did we all discover Lissa was gone?" At this point, I am pretty sure I looked like I was about to go off on a killing spree. By the look on Alex's face, he thought he was going to be my first victim. I was seriously considering it.

"She had gone to the restroom during lunch. We all had lunch in the cafeteria after the announcements for field experience. You were both sitting at separate tables, but you noticed that she had been gone a long time. You went out of the room to look for her."

"And where were you?"

This was the question he had been dreading. He knew that he would be the one to blame if she got hurt again. He was her guardian. He signed up for the job. His only issue was actually doing his job. I watched him expectantly while he tried to form an answer that would hopefully not result in his ass being handed to him by an eighteen year old novice.

"I, um, was uh, in the cafeteria, monitoring the students." He was barely breathing as he spoke.

"And, in all of this, even after a Strigoi tried to kill her, you thought it would be a good idea to let her out of your sight?" My voice was so smooth and quiet that if you had been standing five yards away, I might have been singing a lullaby.

"I thought she would be safe," he all but whispered.

"Uh huh." I said. Suddenly, I swung a right hook to his face. It connected and made a satisfying squishing sound. Blood came trickling from his mouth. "You are the _saddest_ excuse for a guardian in the entire world!" I shouted at him as I went in for another blow. "How dare you let her out of your sight? _Especially _when she had been attacked by a Strigoi! You _knew _there was someone out to get her!" He was blocking most of my strikes, but a few made it through his defense. "What are you doing about it?!"

"Rose! Rose stop!" came a voice from behind me. I knew the voice, but the connection to a face was nonexistent. The amount of anger coursing through me was unimaginable. Alex dodged, blocked, spun and pinned my hands behind my back. I was turned away from him so that my back was up against his chest and I saw our onlooker.

Jill.

"Rose! What are you doing?"

I ignored her and addressed Alex, "so, how are you going to get Lissa back?"

He shifted and I noticed the look in Jill's eyes. She was confused.

"What are you talking about Rose? Guardian Whylde, this wasn't-

A sharp pain followed by a dull ache started at the top of my head and travelled down my spine. The last thing I thought was that I wish I had apologized to Lissa when I had the chance.

**A/N I have great news! My muse is back! It came to me in the form of a six hour marathon of the movie Divergent. Lol Theo James fixes everything.**

**I am so sorry I haven't updated in a while. I have been going through a really hard time lately with my family. I have been putting in long shifts at work and dealing with my personal life and taking online courses. It is almost too much to deal with sometimes. I have not had time to read anything and in turn, I have not wanted to write anything. Once, when I came back to my story, I found that I wrote myself into a corner. I changed the ending of my last chapter and rolled with it. I bought Divergent because I want to go see Insurgent and I felt that spark of enthusiasm again. I read just about every fanfic under the moon for it and I came across one that made me want to write again.**

**I would never abandon this story; I just had a really hard time convincing myself to make time for writing again. **

**Thank you all for being patient with me, I hope this chapter lives up to the wait. I am working on the next chapter now. Hopefully I will have it done and posted by Friday. I have a debate paper to write too… oh joy. Wish me luck!**

**-Love DimitriAndRoza Belikov**


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